Rangers Rambling 1:

Rangers Rambling 2:

“I’m Barry Ferguson. I’m Mr. Rangers. I’m a hero for the club I grew up supporting. I have more of a legacy than my brother who I grew up idolising. No player quite defines a club quite like I define Rangers. Players have come and gone, you can stick you’re Giovanni Van Bronckhurst and your Mikel Arteta. They are flash in the pans, not like me. I’m even bigger than any manager Rangers will ever have. Not many people can say that. I’m Mr. Rangers.”

Or does he think….

“I’m Barry Ferguson, I used to be a dynamic footballer. I could have been great, I could have been more than just a nagging injury to an average Rangers team. I could have been a game changer, a force in Europe, if not at Rangers then somewhere else. I should have gone to Blackburn and made a difference. Playing against better players than me should have raised my game to another level. I took the easy option in going back to Rangers and i’ll always regret going back, the lack of impact I had at Blackburn and the lack of impact I’ve had since I came back. I could have been so much more. “

The perfect analogy for what Barry Ferguson is to Rangers is evident in last season’s UEFA Cup run. Rangers struggle to make an impact for most of the game and at the point of no return, they break the glass and push Barry Ferguson up to support the lone striker. He fails to make an impact and is constantly outshone by players who should be no more than a journey man at best (Mr. Novo I presume). The belief is there that Rangers can rely on Barry Ferguson, but they rarely can.

There is a confusion as to what Barry Ferguson is. The last ten minutes of games Rangers are losing leads one to think that the belief is that Barry Ferguson is Steven Gerrard-someone who, when times are tough, grabs the game by the scruff of the neck and carries his team to victory. Barry Ferguson has not done that since his original Rangers spell.

Or is he Gerrard’s team mate, Mascherano. He sits in a position akin to Mascherano but he lacks the bite and aggression.

His nearest comparison is probably Alonso. Ferguson’s role is primarily that of a passer who calms the game down. But unlike Alonso, Ferguson lack’s the ability to make that cutting pass. Where Alonso might make a 40 yard pass, Barry Ferguson would pivot and pass backwards to Kirk Broadfoot, galloping up the right wing like an escaped mental patient.

The comparison breaks down because it would be difficult to find a comparison at a top Premiership club like Liverpool as to be a footballer at that level you have to be multi-faceted. Ferguson is far too limited. His nearest comparison can be found closer to home. His nearest comparison is Brahim Hemdani.

Like Ferguson, Hemdani lacks pace. But he is a safe pair of hands. He might take the ball himself and run through a team but he will calm the game down. He won’t lose Rangers the ball and he will distribute to the more dynamic players.

But when Hemdani plays, he is not viewed as one of those dynamic players-Ferguson is. The problem is in perception and that’s why Ferguson is counter-productive to Rangers when he plays.

The perception of Ferguson is ruined by his aura. His brother was a talented Rangers player, he was the young boy wonder, he had suitors in England and he supported Rangers all his life. Tugay didn’t have that, Claudio Reyna didn’t have that, Brahim Hemdani doesn’t have that, Kevin Thomson doesn’t have that. If they did, would they be held up with the same esteem as Barry Ferguson?

It’s almost beneficial that Kevin Thomson got injured prior to the return of the captain. Thomson was turning into a fantastic player for Rangers and Ferguson’s return would have seen him shoehorned back into the team and would have upset the balance that Thomson, Davis and Mendes had created. Ferguson was shoehorned into the team, but at least it wasn’t at the expense of Thomson.

Barry Ferguson plays European style slow calm football in the SPL.  If he is everything he is cracked up to be, at the very least in the SPL he should be running riot and changing games.

In European Football he plays SPL style games. He tries to run riot and change games but he ultimately fails.

When he won the power struggle over the game it was a win for Barry Ferguson in the short term. He got his way and he proved how important he was to Rangers. But in the long term it raised to many questions of whether he is actually that important to Rangers and whether his status represents his impact.

He is a shell of his former self and that’s not his fault. But his role in the team and his pay need to change and if he is really Mr. Rangers, he should think himself lucky to still be at Rangers and should scale back for the good of the team. A captain should lead, he should never hold the team’s evolution back.

(Vince) Young’s lawyer tells us, the football star can’t get deals with Reebok and video game makers, among others, because the defendants won’t give up their claim to “VY” or “INVINCEABLE.”

Nothing to do with him being a bit of a bust and not being able to get a start in front of somebody with as shady a history as Kerry Collins then?

The “I’m a PC, I’m a Mac” Adverts towed the line between trendy-ness and complete and utter smugness. In its rebuttal, Microsoft has decided to focus on the smugness, refusing to inject any trendy-ness into their image.

They try and explain how PC’s aren’t all dorkazoids with glasses like Apple tried to persuade us. But instead they have tattoo’s, they’re environmentalists, rappers, fishermen….a wide variety of people brought together by not only their love of PC’s but also their own self satisfaction.

To be really out of the box Microsoft showed how even Mixed Martial Artists use PC’s. WOW! That means they can use computers, rather than just communicating by eating each others faces and headbutting lamp posts? Who knew?

So they got Rashad Evans to declare he’s a PC.

If any UFC fighters was a PC it would clearly be Rashad Evans. Microsoft clearly saw his fight with Chuck Lidell and thought ;this is the kind of young, dynamic up and comer we need” They then signed the contract and when Apple heard I wouldn’t bet on them smugly sending a tape of Rashad v. Tito or Rashad v. Bisping to Mr. Gates.

It even bores me to talk about how boring he is. He isn’t even that smug and if this feud is about anything other than who’s the most smug then I’ve clearly missed something.

But Microsoft could pull this out of the graveyard yet. Microsoft would be missing a trick if they don’t  hire a nerd like Charles McCarthy, have him come out with an Apple t-shirt on and then have Rashad annihilate him/sit on him for three rounds.

He is Setanta’s near perfect pundit, but something bothers me about him. It’s because he reminds me of somebody, I can’t think who.

Wait a second, I think I’ve just realised who..

But once bitten twice shy Niall Quinn does not want to put all his eggs in one basket. He would prefer a continental style management team, rather than just one omnipotent boss. Super Ally could be a more than capable figure head.

Clearly, there is only one answer…

“But Andrei is too good for Spurs or Rangers. It would be better for him to stay in St Petersburg than to go to London or Glasgow. Tottenham has a fine reputation but I doubt that Arshavin will want to move there.”

This gives remarkable insight into Arshavin’s history. If he is being pursued by Rangers then he must have spent ten years as an average Championship journey man.

Their may be confusion regarding Rangers ability to entice a player of his quality. Rangers have to sell off 6 fringe players to buy Tonel. To buy Arshavin they’d have to sell the entire first team squad, the stadium and cut down on excesses such as Barry Ferguson’s voice coach.

Rangers have been positioning themselves to make this move for a while. People have to pull double duty. Velicka has been doing some plumbing around Ibrox and man boy banter coach Ally McCoist has been getting some shifts as Chef.

Even if Rangers could afford Arshavin, the thought of the Russian playmaker being so besotted with Rangers brand of Tetris football that he just had to come and play is more ridiculous than man boy banter coach and sometime chef Ally McCoist being linked with the Sunderland job.

Rangers don’t have the money, Arshavin would have no reason to play there and the fans would not even be happy as it would push young Scots such as Stephen Naismith and Nacho Novo even further down the pecking order.

There appears to be no reason to link Arshavin with Rangers. The only person even mentioning his name with Rangers is former Rangers and current Zenit St. Petersburg manager, Dick Advocat.

Last week David Murray hosted former Rangers managers to celebrate his time at the club. The Scottish press loved this as it was an opportunity to scaremonger with headlines such as “Le Guen back at Gers” . Which for some strange reason strikes more fear into the hearts of Rangers fans than the sight of Kirk Broadfoot galloping down the wing.

Murray is a man who likes the idea of his own legacy. He is also a man who desperately wants rid of the club. Both of these mean that it might be a good idea to at least portray the image of Rangers as a big club. It’s good to have old friends who manage teams with an international superstar in them who can casually mention your club’s name in connection with said player. Hence creating the illusion that Rangers have any hope or even any intention of signing that player. It’s a little bit more glamorous to be competing with Tottenham and Real Madrid for signing than the usual Charlton and Birmingham.

It’s an old pals act which I can’t believe anybody would fall for. It is similar to the time my ten year old self truly believed Rangers were about to sign Gabriel Batistuta. ( See also: David Platt, Ronaldo, Marcell Desailly and Robert Pires)

Football fans everywhere are in shock that Darren Anderton was still playing football.

He spoke out to his critics , reminding them he has played 600 games. “Ask any of my team mates if they call me sick note”

Presumably they just call him “that old cripple”.

He says he’s off to travel the world. How he will hold up to the rigours of back packing is anybody’s guess. He’d perhaps feel a bit safer as a commentator. Jamie Redknapp has already proved it is perfectly possible to squeeze into a snazzy suit without snapping a knee ligament.

Sources close to Roy Keane say it all began to fell apart that time Jimmy Bullard fiddled with Chimbonda’s balls. Keane was then not able to look at Chimbonda. From then he lost the Tottenham reject faction of the dressing room. Once you lose the Tottenham rejects it was only a matter of time before the fat irish men, eccentric random foreigners and Manchester United casts off follow suit. Then before you know it you’re left with Craig Gordon.

But then the final straw was when Roy Keane put in a 12 million pound bid for Craig Gordon, forgetting he’d already bought him for 10 million pounds.

Then the only option was to send Niall Quinn a text quitting Sunderland football club.

The players actually are sad to see Keane go, although they won’t miss his psychopathic stare, they will miss his ability to be unable to handle a budget.

Andy Reid is so depressed that when he tried to comfort eat he couldn’t even face the Prawn Sandwhich he bought at an Esso Garage out of respect for Keane.

Roy Keane is a man as complex as the tones in his beard. But the more results went his way the more his greying beard couldn’t be the single element of his disinterested personality which stood out at Sunderland. Cisse was making a mockery of him.

The usual suspects are on board to replace Keane. Presumably Curbishley and Keegan can rule themselves out due to their inability to operate with autonomy coming from above. Niall Quinn’s iron fist is notorious. Reports indicate that he once insisted Roy Keane haggle when making a transfer bid. In a situation like that, is it any wonder Keane couldn’t take it any more?

Scotland might not have better players but one thing they should be able to rely on is a more dysfunctional manager. The tartan army have a manager who is so controversial that he sometimes refuses to select Rangers players and has he ever paid the price with infamy.

But with Diego Maradona managing the opposition, Scotland has to buck up its ideas We need somebody a little more controversial. So Mr. George Burley, either go back on the bottle and forget to wear your trousers to the press conference, or Scotland will appoint the management team of Frank McAvennie and Andy Goram with Donald Findlay QC in the Gordon Smith role. Scotland cannot lose this game before they get out on the pitch.