What is the most crucial component of a football team?

Synergy? Sublime skill? A safe as houses goalkeeper? A towering centre back? A midfield general? A silky winger? A goal scoring striker?

None of the above, what every football team needs is a forward player who may lack the skill of those around him, but one thing is for sure, he will put in a shift. These players are important as they often feel like a fan on the pitch. Although their ability is suspect, they try 150%. They will cover every blade of grass but often they have a first touch that could leave the ball pressing charges for abuse. Their shots may be terrible, but they take so many that eventually some come off. Their passing is often hideous but you have to put up with the sour to get the sweet. The sweet is the fact that they are capable of exhausting the opposition defence.

These players are currently rife. These players never really let you down because expectations are so low. These players are like watching your son on the pitch. He may not be the best player out there but you can’t help but be proud. If we look at the two biggest disappointments in European Football this season; Arsenal and Barcelona. Both have one thing in common, they lack a player who will really “put in a shift”. Yes they may have a great striker (Eto’o/Adebayor), or a genius slash player (Messi/Ronaldinho/Hleb/Van Persie) but they lack a player willing to run around like a dog chasing his tail, that is what every team needs. Both these teams went below their expectations, and it could be because they lack a headless chicken running around like a dog chasing his tail to lift the team’s spirit.

Of course within this type of players, there are different classes. Manchester United have the most upper class shift player available in Carlos Tevez. He may lack the ability of his colleague Ronaldo but he will work his little socks off to make up for it. Sir Alex Ferguson is so enamoured with the idea of this shift player that he has tried to mould one of the world’s most gifted players, Wayne Rooney into one.  In Dirk Kuyt at Liverpool is one of the purest examples of this type of player. Lacking any nugget of skill, he remains an engine which compliments the skills of Gerrard and  Torres.

To hunt a little deeper into the phenomenon, teams must look to Rangers for advice on how to utilise this player. Rangers lull teams into a false sense of security and attempt to bore them to death, then at approximately 70 minutes, Nacho Novo is shot through a cannon onto an unsuspecting defence, that is often so tired that they can often make Nacho Novo look like a professional footballer.

The shift player is not a full proof concept however, a team cannot just acquire a shift player and then suddenly gain success. First there needs to be a solid football team. For example, Derby were so desperate for success that they gambled on the proto-type shift player, Kenny Miller to try and ensure the team’s safety. Unfortunately teams have to realise that there needs to be 9 talented outfield players to allow for the pure lack of ability of a shift player.

So Arsenal, Barcelona. This summer when you draft your shopping list, why not bid for a shift player. There are plenty around,  Gabby Abonglahor and Robbie Keane for example are shift players wasting away outside the bubble of the champions league. Somebody put them out of their misery, as these two upper class shift players are ready and waiting. Want something a bit more down and dirty?  Then it would be an insult for the proto-type Kenny Miller to be putting in a shift outside the bubble of the Premiership.

A Comedy of Owners.

I love the English Premier League. Who doesn’t? There is controversy regarding the monopoly of the top four, there is excitement at the bottom, excitement at the top. Week in, week out we see that any team can beat any team unless they are called Derby County. We get to see the silky skills of some of the most talented players in the world, as well as seeing some every men in the bottom half of the table live out their dream. The three leagues, the race for the top, the race for the Uefa cup and the race to avoid relegation mean there is truly something for everyone.

But I always felt something was missing. The SPL of course cannot compete with the English Premier League in terms of excitement, quality or pretty much anything else. But there was one area where Scotland reigned supreme. The cartoon Chairmen. Yes Abramovich tried hard, but the fact is he did a lot of good, his money meant Chelsea could compete year in year out. Outside of that, other teams didn’t cut it. There was a strange phenomenon of chairmen staying somewhat removed from the lime light. For example , at Manchester United, we are far more likely to see Bobby Charlton being interviewed than Malcolm Glazer. Or Niall Quinn only appears when he is spraying more money at Roy Keane when Keane appears with his latest list of Championship journeymen/Manchester United rejects.

The English Premier League seemed to attract real businessmen, while the Scottish Premier League often appeared to attract over zealous fans such as  Brooks Mileson, Jim Mclean, and David Murray. The EPL appeared to banish chairmen who were “living the dream” such as Peter Risdale but the SPL revels in it. Chairmen let teams go into administration willy nilly, chairmen hail new managers as being the great “moon beam” chairmen attack BBC reporters. It’s what they do, the SPL is a playground and why not, nobody outside is watching

However, the man who is the jewel in the crown of maverick chairmen is Vladimir Romanov. Romanov’s display provoked one of the most iconic images purely in terms of its silliness as former Hearts players Hartley, and Gordon flanked Pressley as he spoke out like recently released hostages. Romanov believed his constant carousel of managers was not silly enough, so he jumped the shark by appearing on the Latvian version of Dancing with the Stars. Advantage SPL.

But the EPL would not take this lieing down, they brought in some big hitters in terms of maverick chairmen. Enter Thaksin Shinawatra and the most bumbling duo trying to make a quick buck since Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in home alone in Gillett and Hicks.

Why is Thaksin Shinawatra so funny? First he is the former Prime Minister of Thailand. His reign was fairly standard fair of a corrupt politician, what Prime Minister wouldn’t dabble in a bit of tax evasion, flirt with a bit of treason, and I think we all know that free press is nothing but a pain. He is so popular in his home country that if he breaks the terms of his exile and returns back to his home country, it will not be to the great cheers of a returning great leader, but instead, the threat of assassination. How does Scotland compete with that? When England’s most controversial chairmen returns home he gets assassinated, when Scotland’s most controversial chairmen returns home the biggest threat he is exposed to is being voted off a Saturday evening ballroom dance related reality show.

Thaksin isn’t content with the power he felt in Thailand. He wants a slightly higher power, that is why Thaksin is intent on becoming as powerful as the very concept of karma. Sven Goran Eriksson lived in a web of shame, the numerous affairs, his image ruined by revealing to an undercover reporter that he would leave England to manage Aston Villa won the world cup- provided a wealthy Arab was involved in a take over of Aston Villa. Then he played Monaco off a club in Dubai to continue his money grabbing ways, before jilting them both and signing for Manchester City. Thaksin offered Sven a chance for redemption in England. Only to cruelly snatch it away when Sven thought he had finally regained acceptance. Karma Shinawatra.

Meanwhile Gillett and Hicks are so ridiculous, baffling and tiresome, that Will Ferrel and John C Reily are probably bidding for rights to the screen play. Nobody quite understands what is going on, but any story, which manages to turn Rick Parry into a fulcrum of newspaper stories nationwide, must be completely confusing.  It’s worked out perfectly for Steven Gerrard as whenever he feels like a good moan, he now has a perfectly legitimate object of his constant moaning sitting right above him.  The whole thing basically amounts to Gillett having an affair with DIC and Hicks tries to prove he’s the better father by cuddling up to their often ignored illegitimate son Rafael Benitez.

The closest Scotland ever got to having a comedy double act as chairmen was when US property developer Brian Dempsey and Simple Minds singer were in the bidding war to buy Celtic. We couldn’t even get that right. Instead Celtic got John Reid as Chairmen, yes the former  Home Secretary. He wasn’t Prime Minister and wasn’t even forced into exile. Advantage England.

Keep the poor, poor!

Yeah man there are like totally systems, which keep the poor down, it’s the government dude, totally, they are all just trying to keep us down man.

Come on people, what’s with this capitalist mentality that keeps the poor poor that permeates worldwide sport? Why do their appear to be built in barriers to keep the rich in their safe little house on the top of the sporting world, while the poor toil away endlessly, thanklessly, gratefully devouring any spoils that trickle down into their hands. How kind of the sporting powers to let a snippet of their wealth occasionally fall into the hands of those less wealthy.

It is clear that in both the English Premier League, and in the National Football League, systems are put in place to impose a hierarchy intrinsically in the league. With the English Premier League come the spoils from the champion’s league. The top four in England has occurred because if each year, four teams get into the Champions League, then these four teams benefit from the wealth of the champions league. The wealth is then re-injected into the team allowing players of the calibre of Torres and Tevez to be signed as those below the wealth line must try and compete with more their limited resources.  Players such as Ashley Young , Benjani and Yakubu may maintain certain teams status as nearly men, but until the wealth can be splashed by these nearly men on players who are unadulterated difference makers then the poor will remain poor. It’s very hard to have that wealth without the champion’s league. Even if the team has the money to spend, they cannot compete with the near guarantee of Champions League Football to a player that the Top four can offer.

The NFL’s system is a little more sinister; the system, which keeps the poor down, is disguised as something, which creates parity. This is of course, the NFL draft. Notoriously, outside of rare cases where the stars align, teams are financially crippled by hjaving to play over the odds for a player who has yet to play a down in the NFL and comes with no guarantee. The most despicable example being is that these high first rounder, who have as much potential of being major busts rather than ten time all-pro’s are payed more than Tom Brady, the most clutch player in the game.

So why do these players continue to draft rather than trade down? Because nobody wants to touch high draft picks with a bargepole unless there is one of the extremely rare unmissable prospects at the top of the draft. These unmissable prospects are rare the more times that supposed phenoms of the college ranks fail to make the NFL grade. So teams are stuck with the pick from that angle, but also because if a team is at the top of the draft it is a result of a poor season. The one reward of a poor season is a high draft pick, somebody who can transform the franchises poor fortunes. The fans need to be rewarded by sticking with the team so they are given this player to put their hopes behind. This player often doesn’t live up to the lofty expectations. Instead these teams often have an under-achiever who only serves a purpose of haemorrhaging money.  Then they have the same problem next year, and so on and so on.

The NFL model is slightly less abhorrent as shrewd drafting can save a franchise while it could be argued if a team continues to pick high, they only have their own stupidity to blame. It feels slightly more dirty that the only hope many English teams have is to whore themselves out to a foreign investor, sacrificing all their morals in the hope that they will be skyrocketed into the elite of the EPL.

The two concepts are intrinsically linked in their concept but Randy Lerner also links them. Randy Lerner owns the Cleveland Browns and Aston Villa. Two teams who are on the verge of bucking the trend in the EPL and NFL respectively. The Browns were killed with injuries and stupid drafting for years, but with the likes of Winslow, and Edwards returning to form, Lerner must feel somewhat vindicated for previous drafts, This coupled with a smart double coup of Joe Thomas to sort out the offensive line and Brady Quinn to provide a safety net at QB and some competition to spark the fire in Derek Anderson.

Meanwhile, Aston Villa has shared this smart drafting. Realising, Villa cannot compete through the wealth of the top four Lerner has accepted he has to play the long game in the style of many NFL teams. While Ashley Young, Gabby Abonglahor, Shaun Maloney and Nigel Reo-Coker might not be elite players yet, they could be. This youth and vitality has been steadied by somebody who mirrors the concept of a veteran Qb , in Gareth Barry in central midfield.

The divide is still there, Cleveland have not yet fully catapulted themselves into the upper echelon of NFL teams while Aston Villa’s embarrassment and outclassing at the hands of Manchester United a few weeks past was a display of the persisting divide between the top four and the nearly men. However, the fact they are not there yet shows how long and patient teams have to be to amend the disparity. EPL teams cannot pay over the odds for one player to save them immediately, while NFL teams cannot expect franchises to be transformed by one signing in the draft. Patience, and the long game is key.

His Name is Rio and he’s the England captain…

 

Bet that’s the first time a version of that headline has been used…IT’S LIKE A DURAN DURAN SONG…GET IT? GET IT?

Rio Ferdinand was named England captain today, over serial moaners Gerrard and Terry.

To be a captain, you have to have a little thing called TURD:

 TRUST

UNDERSTANDING

RESPECT

DIPLOMACY

 Does he have all these things? He doesn’t even get past the first letter. Trust? Rio doesn’t know the meaning of the word. Any of you who were in Britain for the summer of 06 will no doubt remember the often immitated, never duplicated, groundbreaking series called “Rio’s World Cup Wind Up’s” where Rio Ferdinand  Punks (removed due to copyright by MTV) his England team mates. How can Rio as a captain expect them to have any trust in his leadership. No , they will be standing guard in case the wacky RIO plays a silly trick on them that is in no way reminiscent of an episode of Punk’d (removed due to copyright by MTV).

What next , England entering the five nations with Jeremy Beadle as captain? (R.I.P.)

Ashton Kutcher as captain of the U.S.A. basketball olympic team?

While England are obviously a complete and utter mess at the moment, Scotland can take solace in the fact that despite an onslaught of timely “injuries” to many star players such as Ferguson, Mcfadden, Robson and cough Lee Mcculloch cough. No need to worry though, Gary Teale is still available and any call offs have been offset by the call up of Gavin Rae. Gavin and Gary should inspire Scotland to victory as they are an electric duo…G Squared as they are known in some parts due to their chemistry.

 G Squared….sounds like a rap group doesn’t it? I wonder where a rap group of two celebrities could get noticed?

 Tune into Rio Ferdinand’s new show where he is a judge on what is being billed as X-FACTOR…EXCEPT WITH CELEBS….RAPPING. Featuring performances by Britain’s entertainer Shane Ritchie (Bradley Walsh was otherwise engaged),  Coleen Mcloughlin’s Got Talent Winner Coleen Mcloughlin (she was the most talented entrant named Coleen Mcloughlin) and Amir Khan, who will only rap if he can do it in Bolton.

 Come on Rio, this must be a wind up if you havn’t signed up G-squared. They are Rap Idol’s version of the Mcdonald Brothers.  Sign them and you’ll start to regain some TURD.

Who’s Got the More Impressive Streak?

After a couple of spectacular shots this Saturday at Bay Hill, Tiger Woods prevailed to win his 5th consecutive PGA tournament staying undefeated this season. Not to be undone, the Houston Rockets won their 22nd consecutive game with a big victory against the LA Lakers. This gives the Rockets the 2nd longest win-streak in NBA history and puts them in 1st place overall in the highly competitive Western Conference. 

 

As an avid Tiger-hater, I have to say I’m more impressed by the resurgence of T-Mac and Rafer “Skip to My Lou” Alston in Houston, but in the grand-scheme of things Tiger’s run certainly looks more impressive. 

 

This  topic is open to debate. Please chime in the comments section to rage your opinion. Do you think Tiger is overrated, or that an NBA win-streak is arbitrary do to schedule and injuries?

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Contact us by e-mailing us at studio@subcity.org
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But…this will also be available as something called, a “podcast”. So please , if there are any issues you’d like us to deal with in this show, we will try and provide the adequate support. Simply leave any questions, comments, arguments, theories: HERE. Then you can listen back and hear your name, followed by your issue, followed by our response? Imagine you, sitting at home, hearing your own name, said aloud, by real people? You imagining? Does it give you a buzz? WELL POST!

Barack Obama was right.

 

Obama, without even being in power has broken the mould of what a politician should be.

While other politicians wax lyrical about what will happen when they are in power, they ultimately never live up to their billing. Obama is unique because when he promises something, he gets it done, even before he gets in power.

Obama said ” Change is coming to America”

 He was right. Americans had been apathetic towards sport, they had become disengaged with what a sportsman should be, they kept looking to the past, to Jordan, to Namath, to Armstrong. America had no future, no unifying quality. America needed change.

 ……………..

 Today it happened, America now has changed. It now has a sporting hero to build a resurgence of sport upon, somebody who can be looked up to, admired and the youth of today can emulate this man.

 Many say he is a mountain of a man, well this will be all the more poignant when the USA has to arrange for another image on Mount Rushmore.

 The man who is bringing change……

KENNY DEUCHAR SIGNS FROM GRETNA FOR REAL SALT LAKE.

 

 This comes at exactly the right time for Obama as he hopes to deliver a knockout blow to the Clinton campaign, first his promises are already coming true. Second, any worries about the state of America’s health care are silenced thanks to Kenny Deuchar being a trained doctor/born healer.

 Can Kenny Deuchar save America?

 YES HE CAN

 YES HE CAN

YES HE CAN

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