Instead of sitting behind the comparative cocoon of the shield of a computer moaning about sports achievement, this Sunday I will be looking to embark on some sporting achievement of my own as I run the Edinburgh half-marathon. Apart from the fact that a half marathon doesn’t really count as an achievement any more due to the fact that every overweight celebrity has triumphantly completed a full marathon dressed as Super Mario, or a cow, or a fairy, or a giraffe, or Harry Potter,or a turtle, or Austin Powers, or a medieval guard. Nope, my achievement will be dwarfed by those hilarious celebrities as I limp over the line wearing running shoes, running shorts and a running t-shirt. If only to try and partake in the novelty I may wear a witty slogan filled shirt like “JESUS IS MY HOMEBOY”. Oh how they’ll be laughing in the sidelines (because anybody who goes to watch a half marathon or indeed a marathon has nothing else in their life to laugh at).
Or perhaps I will put in the performance of my life and I will storm the competition. But the question I have to ask is, if there are any Kenyans or Ethiopians there, and they see me in front, will they take me, a white, stocky male, seriously?
Well that’s not a question I think I’ll be asking, because I’ll be somewhere in the sea of mediocrity, pathetically wishing I had the ability of one of those Kenyans or Ethiopians. However, that was the question asked by a broadcaster on US TV who asked during marathon coverage, “is it one of these matters where the Kenyans and the Ethiopians see a white guy up front and they don’t take him serious. ” He is being lampooned for this all over TV and sports radio , but one has to ask, if you were asked to do coverage of a marathon, how likely do you think you’d be to be completely compos mentis by the end of it? Even the most clean cut professional analyst would possibly cling to the marathon race divide as a legitimate source of conversation in the desperation for something….anything to talk about.
The holy grail of marathon coverage is still “Oh look…Paul Radcliffe is taking a dump”. Bit insensitive isn’t it for marathon runners not to omit something filthy from their body just out of sheer courtesy for the people that have to cover it, who are desperate for something to talk about. It’s a sport made for creepy voyeurs, a marathon is a personal battle that nobody should have any interest in watching unless they are involved in it.
BBC is currently at the subject of hot debate among people with not much to talk about. The orgy of sport on weekends is being openly criticised. However, even I must accept that when they have so much sport on already, then BBC feels the need to show..A MARATHON, they are perhaps clutching at straws and one must suspect that Mr. BBController is just showing all this sport to spite the people who complain.
I have a problem with athletics being shown as-well. Sport needs to be a combination of speed, strength and skill, when you take any of those elements away it becomes a bit barren. The very fact that athletics championships are essentially the same as the entrance exam into the NFL, yet the NFL has about as much chance of getting prime time coverage from the Big British Castle as that video that everybody forces you to watch on their mobile phones of a woman having sex with a horse, is ridiculous.
The Dwayne Chambers argument is telling, if they are not sure in athletics of the legitimacy of some of their competitors visa vi drugs, then what does athletics have? At least in other sports their are other elements to the game. If steroids make you faster and stronger, then these cheats cannot be shown up by their lack of awareness and ball skills. It’s an empty plate of corruption and emptiness.
Maybe you disagree, but wait till the Olympics. Not like the Football World Cup, or the Superbowl, where the respective countries are transformed into a veritable Mardi Gras, the Olympics is exciting for about a day until it becomes a game of Sonic the Hedgehog. Outside of the counter which denotes how many gold rings there are, there is really nothing to care about, nothing to get excited about. No selection controversy and countries routinely glorify sports that people should never in a million years care about, namely Rowing and Curling. The worst is that people feel they SHOULD care, so they feel they have to talk about it. So yet another dimension is added to awkward small talk with boring people you don’t really want to be in a conversation with.
Haile Gebrselassie is the favourite for the gold medal in the Olympics (he’d be the Kenyan falling in just behind the white guy but not taking him seriously), but may be pulling out due to the pollution in Bejing because of his asthma. Well that makes me a bit disappointed that the world record holder for marathons have asthma as I cant hark back to my childhood asthma problems as an excuse for under-performing this weekend. I won’t be put off by pollution though, and I certainly won’t be put off by the voyeurs watching. No excuses, i’ll also make sure to do a big steamy poo in full view of all the spectators. That should give them something to talk about. PERVERTS.
Posted by nic2hotty
