QB Crisis

Steve Mcnair planned to complete the final three years of his contract. How exactly would he have managed that? At the end of year two it may have resembled Thing from the Adams family. It is indicative of the Ravens desperation at QB that Mcnair can present the image of being allowed to walk away from the game at the highest level through his own choice . Despite the fact that two years ago he was locked out of the Titans work out facility, in what I imagine was essentially a fear of Mcnair’s contract having a “you break it, you buy it” clause.

His production will be missed by the Ravens. It’s a rickety time, as Kyle Boller will have to step up and prove he can out-do Mcnair’s daunting, 2 TD, 4 interception, 7 fumble season. The Ravens QB situation is in disarray as there is a threat that the Ravens will have to sign a competent quarterback, which would really screw up their dynamic of a disastrous offence and good defence.

With rumours that Matt Ryan may fall to the Ravens if Atlanta decide to build from elsewhere, the very principles of the draft will be displayed in the Ravens QB carousel. Troy Smith will play the part of the late round draft pick being groomed without the expectation and financial risk of a high round draft pick, versus, Kyle Boller, the QB who dazzled with his physical skills in the combine to jump up the draft boards, versus Matt Ryan, the QB who’s draft stock dipped on account of his less dazzling skills, but is still a worthy investment due to his “intangibles”. Intangibles v. Physical Specimen v. Building through late picks, Pretty much sums up the debate in all draft rooms next weekend.

What the Ravens need to do to fulfil the scenario, is to sign another makeshift veteran quarterback to steady the ship, who never really steadies the ship. I don’t think Boller is in that role yet but Kurt Warner, Vinny Testaverde and Gus Frerotte are waiting by the phone with baited breath.

Why Brett, why?

I gave up American Football this year; my career was one of extremely modest glories within the idyllic setting of the British University American Football League. The rigmarole of committing every Sunday, of committing to training, of committing to being constantly sore was for me; at the age of 22-in my prime (if that’s what you can call it) was too much. I needed a rest. But when the thought of playing one game-a friendly against newly formed Northumbria University reared its temptations head, the prospect was irresistible. One last shot at glory, one last run with the ball in my hands where I could make amends for the last time the ball was in my hands and I unceremoniously fumbled it.

There aren’t many similarities between my American Football career, which would be given a huge compliment if it were to be described as a fish piddling in the ocean, and the career of Brett Favre, but this appears to be one. It appears Brett cannot resist the temptation of putting on the helmet once again either. The chance to make amends for a last play, which was clearly a moment of madness. The question boils down to one thing; does Brett Favre have anything left to prove? Certainly this is where the comparison between Favre and I falls apart. For it is clear , that my piddle in the ocean of the American Football landscape could not equate to his shark like career. So why would he make a return?

There are two ways this can go, Route Testeverde or Route Elway . If Brett comes back again and fails, he will keep coming back until he makes something special happen once again, until his gun slinging plays dividends, or until his body is so decrepit that no team, not even the Carolina Panthers will have him. Or, the image of Elway will be playing in Favre’s head. If Favre gets it done this season, it’s a better story. The doubt was in his mind, so he had to retire, but the hunger continued to drive him and it drove him back to the Holy Grail of American Football; The Superbowl.

Favre claims that his retirement is a great situation for Aaron Rodgers. It’s clearly not. Look at all those who follow a QB legacy, look at the Bronco’s, and look at the Dolphins. It’s a thankless task. Now the elephant in the room grows, as Favre has not closed the door to a comeback if needed. The comeback was discussed in the scenario of an injury to Rodgers, but for a savvy veteran such as Favre, it would be unlikely that he would show his hand to the press. Favre must be flirting with the idea of coming back in the event of a run of poor Aaron Rodgers form, or just because he wants to.

There is now an X on the back of Aaron Rodgers. If a defensive player inflicts an injury on Rodgers, they have not only added to their own image, but they have had a chance to make history, a chance to personally bring the most talked about athlete of the past decade back to Lambeau. These players gunning for Rodgers did not grow up idolising Rodgers. Instead they grew up idolising Favre. The chance to imprint their name in the Favre story may be incredibly tempting.

Rodgers will be fighting a losing battle now, he could have told his coaches in confidence that he would be willing to consider a return, but not go to the media. Rodgers is going to suffer growing pains, but now I’m almost rooting for him. One man can save Aaron Rodgers and it’s the same man who saved the last Favre chapter: Ryan Grant.  If Grant grows with experience rather than experiencing a sophmore slump then Rodgers can rely on Grant to untap defences allowing him more freedom to perform and live up to the expectation of a Favre heir. Rodgers can also thank Mcarthy; while reigning in Favre in his final season, Mcarthy has installed a system, which is comparatively mistake proof, which is perfect for a QB starting his first season. He also refused to go for broke in the last Favre year, meaning that the team is young and maturing rather than being crippled by the salary cap and post Favre hangover. This decreases the likelihood of Rodgers being a scapegoat.

I love you Brett, but you’ve let me down here. I was only just getting over you going before you try and come back into my life. You’ve let me down and you’ve let poor wee Aaron Rodgers down. Let our wounds heal and take us by surprise. You know you are wanted, you don’t need to feel wanted. People will still talk about you incessantly whether you fuel the fire or not. So don’t fuel the fire. Unless you are planning to go on Sunday night football wearing really tight shorts just so we can see what John Madden’s reaction will be. That’s a fire you can fuel my lad.

It must be love, love, love.

…more musings from the Never Ending Story.

I once worked with a girl. She was a beautiful girl. Such a lovely personality. Every boy at work was putty in her hands. She had all the intangibles that you would ever need in a girl. During breaks, while going to get an ice cream, me and 3 other red-blooded males would often muse about how lovely she was. She was so lovely that this never looked to degenerate into the murky waters of faux ladishness grunting sex-speak. We never spoke of anything but our admiration for her beauty, her personality and her remarkable …well we couldn’t even put our finger on it.

One night, beers were flowing freely and we began to wax lyrical about how great she was. Upon realising how ridiculous this was, we began to try and think of a fault that she had. Initially, we couldn’t, until one of our friends pointed out that she had a moustache. Then one by one, we all admitted we had noticed it. It wasn’t a Burt Reynolds moustache but it was definitely noticeable, and we were all willing to look past it. We then began to talk about what else we would overlook about her, I think we got as far as questioning whether we’d overlook her being a post-op transsexual.

We had to admire her from afar, not that any of us were in any way cool enough to even entertain the idea of asking her out, but this lack of confidence was confirmed by the fact she had a boyfriend. The boyfriend, as if it was written in a bad teen comedy, was a tattooed a-hole. Nobody had a good word to say about him and to describe his personality as being as appealing, as a pane of glass would be a ridiculous compliment of which he would not be worthy.

A few years ago, I watched from afar this young kick returner called Wes Welker, he was small, just like the girl, he had all the intangibles that made him special, he had ability that was immeasurable. Just as my admiration went even further, he left his tattooed a-hole loser boyfriend, the Miami Dolphins. When he joined the Patriots I begin to think there was nothing more I could want in a player, he was an against all odds player, supposedly too small who had been picked up by the Patriots from the scrap heap. Me and my friends often sat and discussed how beautiful it was to watch him fight for yards after the catch against players twice his size, to watch him weave in and out of hapless defenders and to watch him to keep his eye on the ball despite the inevitability of near destruction coming from a hard hitting safety.

Then he took his helmet off and he had a silly moustache.

This was becoming a theme in my life; I was willing to overlook it because everything else was just so beautiful and perfect about him. He was the true hero of the Patriots season. He was the engine while Randy Moss was the smooth fancy exterior.

Then I looked at the bigger picture, and I’ve come to terms with my feelings about the Patriots season and this is my final word on the subject. Yes, spy-gate might be a moustache on the beautiful face of the New England Patriots organisation. But we cannot forget how beautiful the New England patriots are, what a perfect team with all the intangibles. In many ways they are even better than the aforementioned beautiful girl as when they got a tattooed loser boyfriend-Randy Moss, they made me fall in love with him as well. That has to count for something. It’s slow season in the NFL so I think you all need a bit more reminding of how beautiful the Patriots are, rather than hearing random draft rumours of which I have no sources.

I wish that was me straddling Wes Welker…

Let’s put the NFL offseason in perspective:

The NFL: How much the offseason matters funalogies:

Texans quarterback scenario closely resembles a 3 for 20 pound deal in HMV, yes one of them might turn out to be a keeper but chances are 6 months later you’ll wish you could have had your money back and two of them are still in the wrapper. Quinn Gray reminds me of the Last Samarai dvd I bought in a similar deal..it’s still in its wrapper.

San Francisco being given the 12th pick instead of the 7th pick resembles an unemployed woman with ten credit cards having them cut up by her father. The more they keep spending on high draft picks and NATE CLEMENTS, the more they are likely to dig themselves into a horrific little hole. The draft is a crapshoot anyway, yes with the 7th pick they might get an Adrian Peterson as in 2007, but at 12 they could have still got a player of the quality of Marshawn Lynch. If we look at 2005, at 7 they would have got a pure and simple stinker in Troy Williamson while they could have drafted Shawn Merriman at 12. It’s a gamble wherever you pick, you might as well do it with less guaranteed money. This is the make or break season, Mike Nolan has to make something happen that is more interesting than his dress sense.

Pacman Jones rumoured to be interested in signing with the Patriots makes the Patriots resemble Buddhism for NFL players. Players believe they can be washed of their sins as long as they play for the Patriots.

On the other hand, Pacman Jones , Chad Johnson and Darren Mcfadden being pursued by the Cowboys resembles being one move away from making a move for Burt Reynolds or Adam Sandler at QB and making the Cowboys the new “Mean machine”. Perhaps “The New Bengals” may be a more contemporary example.

Chad Johnson pursuing the Cowboys rather than the Jaguars resembles somebody who is in dysfunctional relationships all their lives. They repeatedly blame their partner but in the end, Chad will have to think that maybe he goes looking for these dysfunctional relationships, What about the nice girl next door, the Jaguars, they are shy but if you got her number I’m sure they’d go out with you. You two would be a marriage made in heaven.

Arizona Cardinals resemble a team looking into the crystal ball. Building a team around two superstar receivers does not work and the Cardinals will never fulfil their constant pre-season promise as long as they have two superstar receivers. In their crystal ball they must see themselves in about three years when they see the Bengals.

Chad Johnson on NFL access resembles the best pitch for a film ever: BUDDY MOVIE, CHAD JOHNSON, RICH EISEN….Rich Eisen has to pretend he’s on Johnson’s wave length for 90 minutes with hilarious results.

Michael Irvin interviewing Pacman Jones on ESPN radio resembles the best argument I’ve ever heard for the radio becoming obsolete.

Troy Brown going to the Jets resembles the scene in Waynes World where Stacey is trying to make Wayne jealous by kissing a roadie, while Wayne looks on as he tries to ignore Stacey as he puts the moves on Cassandra (Wes Welker).

Diegate

 

Spygate appears to be limping to a pathetic but noble end. The story has been carried to its natural end to a slow clap, much like the Bobsleigh in Cool Runnings except instead of being carried by four Jamaican stock car racers/sprinters, it has been carried over the line by Gregg Eastbrook, a couple of bitter Rams players and of course, Pennsylvania senator Arlen Specter.

 

The style in which this story has played out is ridiculously mundane. Stories like this should be used as an example for  journalism teachers as advice on what not to do, in the same realm of the way primary teaches maintain;  “don’t end with ‘it was all just a dream”’. In the context of the sports media, a story shouldn’t be created on the impetus of a bitter senator with compromised interests looking for a cheap pop from voters by catapulting him into being a talking point round the bars of Pennsylvania still bitter from the success of their East Coast neighbours. Before going all the way out with the media furore, we should perhaps consider if there is anything more than a bitter video assistant with his one time to gain attention. Finally, we should also not make a story out of a no names Rams player suing the Patriots. MTV would be missing a trick if they didn’t invite these guys on some low budget celebrity reality tv type vehicle, just to see what else they are willing to do for any sort of recognition.

 

Even the Boston Herald jumped on the Spygate story in particular fashion, it was as if the Boston media saw that the New York media were glorifying a team that was winning, so the Boston Media thought they had to restore the East Coast equilibrium and began to eat alive a team that had just lost.

 

In parallel to this, we are also seeing the collapse of the restraining order from the woman who claimed that Randy Moss was abusing her. Awful convenient that this emerged just as the Patriots were beginning there playoff push, just as things seemed a little too quiet. It created a story from nowhere and manufactured more reasons to hate the Patriots, the Patriots could be exposed for not being the perfect little team they are.

 

Brett Favre can be glorified because he wasn’t always a threat, he was always a nice little side story. He was liable to collapse by himself, he was liable to be let down by his team mates and he was liable to be beaten by villains with more weapons. The Patriots had the most weapons and people couldn’t stand it. We build people up to knock them down.

 

At times, I think the impetus on parity is a brilliant display of league structuring by the NFL. I often spend time wondering how it would work in the Premiership for example. The one caveat must be that if a team can rise above the leagues restraints, we should accept them and commend them.

 

The real reason people are so bitter about the Patriots is because of the stupidity of most other teams. Patriots get the best out of all their players,  that is why they are so good. Teams continue to be stung by over paying Patriots players only for them to completely stink once the reach their chosen destination.  People like Deion Branch are the focal point of why the league hates the Patriots, they constantly put one over on people by lulling lesser teams into thinking a Patriot will change the mentality and be the missing piece in the jigsaw of victor. While the Patriots acquire table scraps through the back door and mould them into winners, then they sell the table scraps as three course Michelin star meals.

R.I.P. Adam “Pacman” Jones

(The gimmick, not the person, don’t worry)

Now that Pacman Jones will be reinstated into the NFL, we must say Rest in Peace to Adam “Pacman” Jones, the pro wrestler. His career ended with the lingering feeling that perhaps he could have made more of an impact, but his legacy in the sport of pro wrestling will never be forgotten. Although it has been a while since Jones appeared in the always full TNA Orlando Superdome/pathetic film studio (So great is the demand for tickets that they would never, ever walk around Orlando palming off tickets in the style of a bar desperately promoting a 2 for 1 special. ) , this now closes the door on that chapter of his life as he appears to have selfishly chosen the thugs game of football, rather than the art of pro-wrestling.

Pacman, you as a physical being may have left wrestling, but the lingering odour of your charisma lives on. He played his gimmick so well of a vacuous idiot, and wrestling needs that realism.

Now it appears due to contract obligations he will have to slum it in the NFL. The evil Titans tried to limit his impact in wrestling by not allowing him to fight. This was sidestepped by TNA fabricating a bunch of pretty ridiculous and arduous scenarios where Pacman would be in matches…but not really in matches.

As famous pro-wrestling philosopher , Eric Bischoff , once said “Controversy Creates Cash”, and he was not wrong with regards to Pacman Jones. Thanks to TNA signing Pacman, the organisation swiftly turned the corner and became the biggest entertainment company in the world, breaking records for PPV buys and was finally able to attract the big stars that had previously alluded them, eg. …….Goldust.

Although Pacman is most well known for “making it rain” , it will be the tears of wrestling fans  that are falling now, rather than Benjamin Dollar Bills falling all over the broken bodies of bloody, abused strippers in one of Pacmans favourite watering holes.

Goodbye Pacman, we will miss you. Rumour has it you might be signing for the Cowboys. I hope you can talk your new team mate, T.O. into taking up a bit of pro-wrestling. I smell a main event, Pacman v. T.O. with T.O.’s painkillers on a pole and some of the strippers that Pacman abused as lumberjacks  . RATINGS.

BREAKING NEWS!

DARREN MCFADDEN HAS GREAT CHARACTER!

In an interview with Marshall Faulk on the NFL network, Darren Mcfadden was asked probing questions about the supposed character issues, which have contributed to rumours of Mcfadden’s sliding stock throughout the pre-draft circus. These doubts have been put to rest by Mcfadden who said:

“I have a great character”

Not wanting the point to be overlooked, when asked to describe Darren Mcfadden: The Football player, Mcfadden replied:

“I have great character”

I think he has proved his point. Hopefully now we can forget this issue and move on .

He has three kids with 3 different mothers with a rumoured two more on the way, because he’s just extremely fertile, allergic to condoms, loves kids, can make any woman pregnant just by looking at them and children of NFL running backs are the happiest kids in the whole world so it would be a waste not to have 50. Just ask Travis Henry.

During his fight in a piano bar, he was there under age purely because his passion outside of football is piano and people were talking over the pianist. Let’s be honest, who hasn’t battered a guy for talking over a pianist.

When he was apparently bought an Escalade by his agent (therefore violating NCAA Laws) it was less as a sign of obsession with material possessions and a belief that the rules do not apply to him but instead a damning assessment of the hypocrisy of these laws which he feel need to be discussed in a public forum rather than accepted without debate. Just call him Darren Pankhurst.

When he injured his toe in a fight at a bar, he admitted that was the point where he realised he was going down the wrong path. To prove the strength of his character, he intentionally injured his toe so he would have a constant reminder not to be swayed by the beacon of temptation once again.

Not only do I think that Darren Mcfadden should be drafted due to his character, I’m also thinking of sending a late mail in vote to the Democrats or the Republicans as they have overlooked him as a candidate.

Re: Brett Favre retirement!

Memo to Mr. Bill Belichick and the entire Patriots organisation:

Today may be a good day to release any even remotely incriminating evidence relating to any spygate like activities.

Brett Favre

He was my favourite player ever, perhaps in any sport. The first game of American Football I ever watched was his Superbowl victory against the Patriots, he single handily created my interest in American Football from nothing.

I openly criticise Eli Manning constantly, and perhaps it’s unfair. But the reason I do it is Brett Favre. Favre plays with such inspiring emotion that when you watch him, it feels more than just a game. When you compare that to Eli Manning who plays with no emotion, it is slightly sickening.

The problem with praising Brett Favre, is that there is nothing left to say that hasn’t been said by John Madden 5000 times on Monday Night Football. The praising of Brett Favre became a subject of parody, it shouldn’t. It’s unfair on Brett, his impact on the game is immeasurable. His contact with the fans is probably greater than any sportsman of all time. The Brett Favre retirement story becomes a saga each year because people care about Brett Favre, people love Brett Favre.

Hear him in an interview and he always looked as if he felt lucky to live the life that he does. The game against Oakland the day after his father died will be an often repeated story over the coming days. But it shouldn’t be, it should exist as a memory, one that every fan of sport can share in silence, it was more than sport and people’s own memories of it shouldn’t be tainted by other people talking about it.

“Woman want to be with him, men want to be him” That age old cliche might aswell have been written for Brett Favre and I don’t imagine many hetrosexual men could resist the former.

His last final push may not have ended with a Superbowl run but it’s still one of the most classic stories of the NFL. Nobody gave the Packers a shot, but behind Favre they rallied round and became one of the best teams in the NFL. It ended in typical Favre like ill-advised gunslinging, but it was those imperfections that made him more perfect to watch.

I don’t know what he’ll do next, I hope he doesn’t coach and suffer the humiliation of the ambiguous media reporting, I hope he doesn’t do a Jordan and come back and play for the Texans or something, but most of all, I hope he doesn’t go into TV. American football coverage can taint the untaintable, managing to turn anybody into a cliche spouting charachature. He should retire to his ranch, drink beers, sit on a rocking chair untill in about 30 years he reappears for the “Brett Favre : The movie”.

Brett Favre is better than Rocky. Green Bay remains the most mystique filled franchise in the NFL because of his leadership, the power of his personality , his ability on the field and his mentality. He wasn’t flawless, his career was filled with problems both personal and on the field, but that’s what makes his story so timeless.

Thankyou Brett Favre.

Travesty at the NFL Combine

Television can heighten peoples emotions. The debate crops up every year about the unfairness of a fairly unflexible television schedule for both the NFL and the NBA. In Britain, the return of News at Ten caused widespread unexplained euphoria. When Arrested Development was cancelled the show was used as an example for ever more of heartless TV executives, obsessed with buzz words like demographics who don’t care about presenting quality television to the viewer.

All valid arguments. So if people can get that upset about television, why has there not been more uproar about the decision to stop showing the NFL prospects topless at the combine?This used to provide impetus for a  double dose of funny. First, it presented the opportunity for some cringe television via either the arrogance or shame of future NFL prospects. A constant reminder that although they will be making more money than all the pathetic people like me watching it put together , they have to suffer the ultimate ridiculous embarrassment of being of being on stage, topless, gawped at by millions around the world. Second is the demeanour of the scouts attending the event. What is an appropriate face for a hetrosexual 50 year old scout to display when he is examining a half naked 21 year old man? They can’t look too impressed as that might create doubts about where their enjoyment of the display stems from, they also can’t look to withdrawn, because then it looks like they are unprofessional, or worse, hiding something.

 Maybe the decision is a marketing ploy and they are set to release “The Combine: x-rated” on dvd. Or perhaps it’s taking place in secret so the scouts can get extra seedy in secret.

The combine has achieved renewed importance thanks to Mario Williams (Ding ding ding, congratulations you are the ten thousandth NFL player with the last name Williams). Mario Williams was originally the poster boy for the combines failings, a genetic freak he impressed in the combine but the Houston Texans were lampooned for drafting Williams based on the combine. The cat was out the bag, the combine was a joke. But then something strange happened, Williams began to perform, while Reggie Bush, a competitor to be number 1 draft pick stalled. Sexually confused pro football scouts everywhere let out a loud sigh of relief. The homo-eroticism of the combine can continue without contest. Hoorah.

 Two people are invited to the combine each year. They have this one guy who is over-hyped, has character issues and is a genetic freak. Then they have this other guy who is under-rated and may lack the exact physical tools but is a high motor, high character guy with lots of intangibles. If more people come to the combine pundits panic and attempt to fit either one of these description to everyone present .

 Mario Williams may have saved the combine , but his name brings with it a warning. Mario, Super Mario. Mario didn’t have elite speed but he was a high character guy, he had lots of intangibles, like the ability to grow if he steps on a mushroom, the ability to become invincible if he runs through a star and leadership qualities seen in the way he guided his cousin Luigi into adulthood. But then came this competitor to be the top draft pick, Sonic the hedgehog. Scouts were blown away by the physicality of sonic and gushed about his elite speed 40 time. He was meant to redefine the position of animated computer game hero. But Mario had a high motor and high character so he was able to withstand the competition and lead his team, Nintendo to a Superbowl. Sonic was more a “me first” guy , he was all about the coin. He ended up demanding a trade to Nintendo for more money. Let that be a lesson to you, NFL.