Not another Johnny Foreigner?

Dick Advocat has denied rumours that mystery trapped in an enigma lost in a conundrum entangled in a puzzle entrapped in a riddle cornered in a parable, Andrei Arshavin , is being pursued by Rangers.

“But Andrei is too good for Spurs or Rangers. It would be better for him to stay in St Petersburg than to go to London or Glasgow. Tottenham has a fine reputation but I doubt that Arshavin will want to move there.”

This gives remarkable insight into Arshavin’s history. If he is being pursued by Rangers then he must have spent ten years as an average Championship journey man.

Their may be confusion regarding Rangers ability to entice a player of his quality. Rangers have to sell off 6 fringe players to buy Tonel. To buy Arshavin they’d have to sell the entire first team squad, the stadium and cut down on excesses such as Barry Ferguson’s voice coach.

Rangers have been positioning themselves to make this move for a while. People have to pull double duty. Velicka has been doing some plumbing around Ibrox and man boy banter coach Ally McCoist has been getting some shifts as Chef.

Even if Rangers could afford Arshavin, the thought of the Russian playmaker being so besotted with Rangers brand of Tetris football that he just had to come and play is more ridiculous than man boy banter coach and sometime chef Ally McCoist being linked with the Sunderland job.

Rangers don’t have the money, Arshavin would have no reason to play there and the fans would not even be happy as it would push young Scots such as Stephen Naismith and Nacho Novo even further down the pecking order.

There appears to be no reason to link Arshavin with Rangers. The only person even mentioning his name with Rangers is former Rangers and current Zenit St. Petersburg manager, Dick Advocat.

Last week David Murray hosted former Rangers managers to celebrate his time at the club. The Scottish press loved this as it was an opportunity to scaremonger with headlines such as “Le Guen back at Gers” . Which for some strange reason strikes more fear into the hearts of Rangers fans than the sight of Kirk Broadfoot galloping down the wing.

Murray is a man who likes the idea of his own legacy. He is also a man who desperately wants rid of the club. Both of these mean that it might be a good idea to at least portray the image of Rangers as a big club. It’s good to have old friends who manage teams with an international superstar in them who can casually mention your club’s name in connection with said player. Hence creating the illusion that Rangers have any hope or even any intention of signing that player. It’s a little bit more glamorous to be competing with Tottenham and Real Madrid for signing than the usual Charlton and Birmingham.

It’s an old pals act which I can’t believe anybody would fall for. It is similar to the time my ten year old self truly believed Rangers were about to sign Gabriel Batistuta. ( See also: David Platt, Ronaldo, Marcell Desailly and Robert Pires)