A Comedy of Owners.

I love the English Premier League. Who doesn’t? There is controversy regarding the monopoly of the top four, there is excitement at the bottom, excitement at the top. Week in, week out we see that any team can beat any team unless they are called Derby County. We get to see the silky skills of some of the most talented players in the world, as well as seeing some every men in the bottom half of the table live out their dream. The three leagues, the race for the top, the race for the Uefa cup and the race to avoid relegation mean there is truly something for everyone.

But I always felt something was missing. The SPL of course cannot compete with the English Premier League in terms of excitement, quality or pretty much anything else. But there was one area where Scotland reigned supreme. The cartoon Chairmen. Yes Abramovich tried hard, but the fact is he did a lot of good, his money meant Chelsea could compete year in year out. Outside of that, other teams didn’t cut it. There was a strange phenomenon of chairmen staying somewhat removed from the lime light. For example , at Manchester United, we are far more likely to see Bobby Charlton being interviewed than Malcolm Glazer. Or Niall Quinn only appears when he is spraying more money at Roy Keane when Keane appears with his latest list of Championship journeymen/Manchester United rejects.

The English Premier League seemed to attract real businessmen, while the Scottish Premier League often appeared to attract over zealous fans such as  Brooks Mileson, Jim Mclean, and David Murray. The EPL appeared to banish chairmen who were “living the dream” such as Peter Risdale but the SPL revels in it. Chairmen let teams go into administration willy nilly, chairmen hail new managers as being the great “moon beam” chairmen attack BBC reporters. It’s what they do, the SPL is a playground and why not, nobody outside is watching

However, the man who is the jewel in the crown of maverick chairmen is Vladimir Romanov. Romanov’s display provoked one of the most iconic images purely in terms of its silliness as former Hearts players Hartley, and Gordon flanked Pressley as he spoke out like recently released hostages. Romanov believed his constant carousel of managers was not silly enough, so he jumped the shark by appearing on the Latvian version of Dancing with the Stars. Advantage SPL.

But the EPL would not take this lieing down, they brought in some big hitters in terms of maverick chairmen. Enter Thaksin Shinawatra and the most bumbling duo trying to make a quick buck since Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in home alone in Gillett and Hicks.

Why is Thaksin Shinawatra so funny? First he is the former Prime Minister of Thailand. His reign was fairly standard fair of a corrupt politician, what Prime Minister wouldn’t dabble in a bit of tax evasion, flirt with a bit of treason, and I think we all know that free press is nothing but a pain. He is so popular in his home country that if he breaks the terms of his exile and returns back to his home country, it will not be to the great cheers of a returning great leader, but instead, the threat of assassination. How does Scotland compete with that? When England’s most controversial chairmen returns home he gets assassinated, when Scotland’s most controversial chairmen returns home the biggest threat he is exposed to is being voted off a Saturday evening ballroom dance related reality show.

Thaksin isn’t content with the power he felt in Thailand. He wants a slightly higher power, that is why Thaksin is intent on becoming as powerful as the very concept of karma. Sven Goran Eriksson lived in a web of shame, the numerous affairs, his image ruined by revealing to an undercover reporter that he would leave England to manage Aston Villa won the world cup- provided a wealthy Arab was involved in a take over of Aston Villa. Then he played Monaco off a club in Dubai to continue his money grabbing ways, before jilting them both and signing for Manchester City. Thaksin offered Sven a chance for redemption in England. Only to cruelly snatch it away when Sven thought he had finally regained acceptance. Karma Shinawatra.

Meanwhile Gillett and Hicks are so ridiculous, baffling and tiresome, that Will Ferrel and John C Reily are probably bidding for rights to the screen play. Nobody quite understands what is going on, but any story, which manages to turn Rick Parry into a fulcrum of newspaper stories nationwide, must be completely confusing.  It’s worked out perfectly for Steven Gerrard as whenever he feels like a good moan, he now has a perfectly legitimate object of his constant moaning sitting right above him.  The whole thing basically amounts to Gillett having an affair with DIC and Hicks tries to prove he’s the better father by cuddling up to their often ignored illegitimate son Rafael Benitez.

The closest Scotland ever got to having a comedy double act as chairmen was when US property developer Brian Dempsey and Simple Minds singer were in the bidding war to buy Celtic. We couldn’t even get that right. Instead Celtic got John Reid as Chairmen, yes the former  Home Secretary. He wasn’t Prime Minister and wasn’t even forced into exile. Advantage England.

Keep the poor, poor!

Yeah man there are like totally systems, which keep the poor down, it’s the government dude, totally, they are all just trying to keep us down man.

Come on people, what’s with this capitalist mentality that keeps the poor poor that permeates worldwide sport? Why do their appear to be built in barriers to keep the rich in their safe little house on the top of the sporting world, while the poor toil away endlessly, thanklessly, gratefully devouring any spoils that trickle down into their hands. How kind of the sporting powers to let a snippet of their wealth occasionally fall into the hands of those less wealthy.

It is clear that in both the English Premier League, and in the National Football League, systems are put in place to impose a hierarchy intrinsically in the league. With the English Premier League come the spoils from the champion’s league. The top four in England has occurred because if each year, four teams get into the Champions League, then these four teams benefit from the wealth of the champions league. The wealth is then re-injected into the team allowing players of the calibre of Torres and Tevez to be signed as those below the wealth line must try and compete with more their limited resources.  Players such as Ashley Young , Benjani and Yakubu may maintain certain teams status as nearly men, but until the wealth can be splashed by these nearly men on players who are unadulterated difference makers then the poor will remain poor. It’s very hard to have that wealth without the champion’s league. Even if the team has the money to spend, they cannot compete with the near guarantee of Champions League Football to a player that the Top four can offer.

The NFL’s system is a little more sinister; the system, which keeps the poor down, is disguised as something, which creates parity. This is of course, the NFL draft. Notoriously, outside of rare cases where the stars align, teams are financially crippled by hjaving to play over the odds for a player who has yet to play a down in the NFL and comes with no guarantee. The most despicable example being is that these high first rounder, who have as much potential of being major busts rather than ten time all-pro’s are payed more than Tom Brady, the most clutch player in the game.

So why do these players continue to draft rather than trade down? Because nobody wants to touch high draft picks with a bargepole unless there is one of the extremely rare unmissable prospects at the top of the draft. These unmissable prospects are rare the more times that supposed phenoms of the college ranks fail to make the NFL grade. So teams are stuck with the pick from that angle, but also because if a team is at the top of the draft it is a result of a poor season. The one reward of a poor season is a high draft pick, somebody who can transform the franchises poor fortunes. The fans need to be rewarded by sticking with the team so they are given this player to put their hopes behind. This player often doesn’t live up to the lofty expectations. Instead these teams often have an under-achiever who only serves a purpose of haemorrhaging money.  Then they have the same problem next year, and so on and so on.

The NFL model is slightly less abhorrent as shrewd drafting can save a franchise while it could be argued if a team continues to pick high, they only have their own stupidity to blame. It feels slightly more dirty that the only hope many English teams have is to whore themselves out to a foreign investor, sacrificing all their morals in the hope that they will be skyrocketed into the elite of the EPL.

The two concepts are intrinsically linked in their concept but Randy Lerner also links them. Randy Lerner owns the Cleveland Browns and Aston Villa. Two teams who are on the verge of bucking the trend in the EPL and NFL respectively. The Browns were killed with injuries and stupid drafting for years, but with the likes of Winslow, and Edwards returning to form, Lerner must feel somewhat vindicated for previous drafts, This coupled with a smart double coup of Joe Thomas to sort out the offensive line and Brady Quinn to provide a safety net at QB and some competition to spark the fire in Derek Anderson.

Meanwhile, Aston Villa has shared this smart drafting. Realising, Villa cannot compete through the wealth of the top four Lerner has accepted he has to play the long game in the style of many NFL teams. While Ashley Young, Gabby Abonglahor, Shaun Maloney and Nigel Reo-Coker might not be elite players yet, they could be. This youth and vitality has been steadied by somebody who mirrors the concept of a veteran Qb , in Gareth Barry in central midfield.

The divide is still there, Cleveland have not yet fully catapulted themselves into the upper echelon of NFL teams while Aston Villa’s embarrassment and outclassing at the hands of Manchester United a few weeks past was a display of the persisting divide between the top four and the nearly men. However, the fact they are not there yet shows how long and patient teams have to be to amend the disparity. EPL teams cannot pay over the odds for one player to save them immediately, while NFL teams cannot expect franchises to be transformed by one signing in the draft. Patience, and the long game is key.

Why I bear witness to Lebron, all the way from Scotland.

Lebron James has made me look like a right tool. I have spent real, live money on a Lebron charity wrist band, Lebron basketball shoes and a Lebron basketball jersey. Imagine the farcical nature of a little idiot rolling around Glasgow, Scotland, dressed from head to toe in Lebron garb. I’m cruising for a bruising , or at the very least, cruising for a reality check. There is a third thing it looks like I’m cruising for when I wear this gear.

To be fair , the very concept of wearing a basketball top in Scotland is so abhorrent that the only use it serves me is a constant reminder of more careful spending every time I open my cupboard and grimace at the very sight of the shirt. I could wear it when I play basketball, but unfortunately the closest I get to dribbling involves me waking up with a sticky side of my face.

So what made me spend money on the shirt”? It’s the fact I completely buy into the Lebron phenomenon. When I first learned of LJ, my basketball knowledge was at an even more infantile state than it is at present. He served as the perfect person to latch onto, the regularity of his prescence in conversation meant that Lebron was the perfect person to have a couple of nuggets of information about so I could sound knowledgeable.

The second reason arose from watching ESPN classic. The more I watched Michael Jordan, the more I wished I was around to watch it at the time. The marketing of Lebron is clearly placing Lebron as the new MJ so simply, I wanted to be part of MJ, I couldn’t, so I manifest that wish through LJ.

Thirdly, when Cleveland are watched while part of a group, there is no need to keep up a pretence of knowing about basketball. It’s just the Lebron show. I’ve learnt a couple of stock comments about Daniel Gibson to throw in but apart from that I’m a blank canvas, only open to discussing the nature of how Cleveleand hold Lebron back, or how good he looks due to the rag-tag bunch assembled around him.

Lebron, conveniently enough, has the perfect sports story. He triumphed except out of the adversity of a background of drink, drugs and guns. It is a story that is not only the perfect tale of an athlete, but also one I find I can identify with, except for the drink, guns and drugs. And the triumph.

A lot of people in Scotland hate basketball, they find it an unnecessary complication of their late night viewing of channel 5 a rude deviation from the boobs that used to be on at that time. So I often enjoy finding myself, somebody who basically enjoys the game because it’s fast and different, trying to defend the intricacies of the sport to the “lehman”. An expert like me can get frustrated by such ignorance, as I stand, the last bastion of Basketball. But a simple end to the argument is usually presented by “Dude, look up Lebron on youtube.” That shuts them up.

The final reason I love Lebron is that he’s not infallible to stupidity. The Vogue cover where he is recreating the cover of King Kong Gisele Bunchen, single handedly, pretty much, set racial relations back about 25 years. Anybody who doubts that need imagine if it was Gisele’s beau Tom Brady on the cover, and ponder whether he would be asked to pose in the same fashion. People need heroes who slip up in the public eye, where would Brett Favre be without drug addiction, where would Lance Armstrong be without a fling with an Olsen twin, where would Ray Lewis be without the whole murder thing. Exactly.

QB Crisis

Steve Mcnair planned to complete the final three years of his contract. How exactly would he have managed that? At the end of year two it may have resembled Thing from the Adams family. It is indicative of the Ravens desperation at QB that Mcnair can present the image of being allowed to walk away from the game at the highest level through his own choice . Despite the fact that two years ago he was locked out of the Titans work out facility, in what I imagine was essentially a fear of Mcnair’s contract having a “you break it, you buy it” clause.

His production will be missed by the Ravens. It’s a rickety time, as Kyle Boller will have to step up and prove he can out-do Mcnair’s daunting, 2 TD, 4 interception, 7 fumble season. The Ravens QB situation is in disarray as there is a threat that the Ravens will have to sign a competent quarterback, which would really screw up their dynamic of a disastrous offence and good defence.

With rumours that Matt Ryan may fall to the Ravens if Atlanta decide to build from elsewhere, the very principles of the draft will be displayed in the Ravens QB carousel. Troy Smith will play the part of the late round draft pick being groomed without the expectation and financial risk of a high round draft pick, versus, Kyle Boller, the QB who dazzled with his physical skills in the combine to jump up the draft boards, versus Matt Ryan, the QB who’s draft stock dipped on account of his less dazzling skills, but is still a worthy investment due to his “intangibles”. Intangibles v. Physical Specimen v. Building through late picks, Pretty much sums up the debate in all draft rooms next weekend.

What the Ravens need to do to fulfil the scenario, is to sign another makeshift veteran quarterback to steady the ship, who never really steadies the ship. I don’t think Boller is in that role yet but Kurt Warner, Vinny Testaverde and Gus Frerotte are waiting by the phone with baited breath.

Hey Mr. U.S.A., still find soccer boring?

Well forget drinking the cool-aid of the Beckham hype machine, stop praying for a cut price deal on Henry as he creeps past his sell by date and stop thinking that the MLS will ever be taken seriously enough within your fair country for it to grow. It won’t, well not for the foreseeable future anyway.

So why don’t you all just try and make sure you catch every Manchester United game. It would be hard to fathom a better advertisement for the game. It may be like glory hunting to support a team who is so successful but who cares? It is becoming increasingly hard to have anything other than an admiration bordering on obsession with Sir Alex’s merry men.

The reason news should watch Manchester United over any other EPL team is that they are a team assembled a lot like a “best of” album of the premier league. They play attractive football and groom players to the same degree of Arsenal, they have the big name strength in depth of Chelsea and they have that intangible of grit and competitiveness of Liverpool. They even have a collection of cameo try hard lower level EPL players who slot into the team much like mail in competition winners, like John O’Shea, Wes Brown and Darren Fletcher.

They have that big name, Michael Jordan style player who new fans can immediately fall in love with due to his spell bounding display of skill, but yet they have a team dynamic to the point that Christano Ronaldo can have an off night and nobody will notice, for they have Tevez, Rooney and even a player like Hargreaves can fill in with a touch of genius.

When Manchester United are on the TV, it feels as if you are watching the future. I imagine American sports fans could draw comparison from the first time they saw the Spread offence in the NFL. Teams can barely cope with Manchester United because the positions players’ play is so ambiguous. The papers this year have described Manchester United as playing 4-5-1, 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 4-2-3-1, 4-3-2-1 but the answer is, that none of these are true. They play with such dynamism and movement that they play without a defined formation. They don’t play with an out and out striker, they don’t play with holding midfielders, anybody, can be anywhere, at any time. That is why their threat is so hard to nullify but so good to watch.

The change in style of play comes in line with the change in the Soccer landscape. American investors are slowly trying to eat up the English game. A lot of people wonder why it appears England is beginning to dominate in Europe where it had failed so often before. The answer may be that England is the most accessible nation for American investors, or indeed investors from any country, due to the English language. This makes them easier to export back home to the U.S.A. but also easier to export to Asia.

They are unstoppable. The ‘strikers’ they have at the moment are Rooney and Tevez. With Ronaldo playing behind, in front, side to side or wherever he wants really. That’s a lot like a team in the NFL having a solid young downhill runner with breakaway skills in Adrian Peterson (Rooney), a solid but under rated versatile attacker in Brian Westbrook (Carlos Tevez) and an often un-defendable multi faceted player who can hurt you in any way (although he often doesn’t do it in the big games) in Ladanian Tomlinson (Christano Ronaldo) The battle for central midfield is even more interesting due to the parity. Paul Scholes acts as a veteran QB in the mould of Jeff Garcia, nurturing the growth of Anderson, who looks like another extremely shrewd by from Ferguson, despite his performances this year being exceptional; he still brings with him an air of untapped potential, like a Vince Young. With Hargreaves and Carrick acting as Matt Hasslebeck and Drew Brees (solid, reliable passers who can often turn on the genius), distribution from the centre of midfield to begin the attack is always exceptional.

When they play on the wings, Kim Jung Park, and Ryan Giggs are under rated in their influence, both are incredibly dependable and Ji-Sung Park in particular is an under rated story of the season. Cynics would surmise that Park was a player bought for marketing purposes to Asia rather than skill, but he has not looked out of place, while Giggs has changed his role from a home run threat to a possession receiver. Nani when placed in the came becomes the home run, kick returner like threat that can catch teams unaware.

In defence, Vidic and Ferdinand act like Strahan and Umenyiora. Formidable players that don’t let the attack breathe. Wes Brown is the misprint in the team due to injuries and has the stench of a Patriots player who a team would completely overpay for due to his connection to a winning team (I’m looking at you, David Givens) While Evra plays like a dynamic cornerback in the mould of a champ Bailey,

Ferguson has stockpiled so much talent to the point that even if team 1(b) is playing, they are still more exciting than any other team. It also allows a special feeling to remain when Sir Alex’s perfect 11 is on display. Manchester United were a great team in 1999, but they were more of an old school style team. If Manchester United can win the Double, without sacrificing a nugget of excitement, or dynamism. They are a team willing to experiment so freely without losing any of their quality. So if the EPL becomes a “copy cat league”, like the NFL then you Americans should make every effort to get in on the bottom floor of this new revolution.

How do you solve a problem like Ian Wright?

How do you replace the irreplaceable?

With Ian Wright stunningly withdrawing from his integral role in BBC1’s Football Punditry as head of all Shawn Wright Phillips analysis during England games, we all have to wonder what direction they will go from here? This was a massive step by Wright, a step comparable to pre-emptively dumping a girlfriend who won’t return your calls.

England games will not feel the same if we can’t get a behind the scenes view on how Shawn Wright Philips is coping with the game at hand, from the point of view of his father. BBC have two choices, they can either hire Bradley Wright-Philips to provide such groundbreaking analysis in between serving time, or BBC may see this as a time to shift focus and give dispraportional coverage to another England fringe player. Perhaps Jermaine Defoe’s father would be interested.

Wright’s legacy is a pundit will forever exist in his ability to be both biting and non-sensical, often at the very same time.

Wright hinted at racism within the BBC regarding Black presenters, but the beeb immediately pointed to Garth Crook’s “Team of the Week” feature on the website to dispel any of these claims.

Wright also claimed that he was being wasted and  wanted to do more diverse programmes, where he would be required to do something other than just “Smile and Tap”.  Many observers were shocked that BBC refused to hand him such a role after the groundbreaking success the series that made him the new Parkie, “Friday Night’s All Wright”, or of “Ian Wright’s Unfit Kids” where Ian Wright single handedly made every kid in the country fit, by telling them they were fat. In doint this Ian Wright neglected his own son, Bradley, who turned to stealing phones and cash from a nightclub to get attention from Daddy Wright.

Ian can now be found displaying his talent while hosting “Gladiators”, stepping into the daunting shoes of seasoned presenters John Fashanu and Jeremy Guscott.  Wright will be working with a strict “no smiling, no tapping” policy. Fans watching Gladiators will have somebody to relate to now that there is a loud mouth, millionaire former footballer hosting. Not like those loud mouth, millionaire, former footballers hosting match of the day. With their jackets. And their ties…get a grip BEEB. It’s all about the yoof…and what says yoof more than IAN WRIGHT WRIGHT WRIGHT.

Untill then if you are suffering Ian Wright withdrawal try and console yourself and watch some of his best work:

http://uk.youtube.com/results?search_query=ian+wright+ladbrokes&search_type=

Not one smile, not one clap. IAN WRIGHT WRIGHT WRIGHT.

A slight Rangers related retraction.

So Rangers won in Sporting Lisbon! Two fingers to the cynics! Who can doubt Rangers now, through to the semi finals of the Uefa cup, player of the year in Carlos Cuellar and manager of the year in Walter Smith? Forget two fingers, cynics have an extra finger for good measure; have a head butt as well.

The Rangers team at the moment is divisive. The more Rangers win, the more divided the fans become. The ‘Haters’ feel they need to defend their stance while the defenders of the Smith regime feel more and more vindicated. What is probably the case is that the two sides have to come closer together. The cynics, myself included have to accept that Smith has done a fantastic job; the lack of building to the future probably isn’t as grim as you think and any manager who can bring any measure of European success to Ibrox deserves applause.

Meanwhile, the defence of Smith must accept that the team is not impervious to collapse; the way the team is built means this success will not last forever without some serious investment. They must accept that beating a terrible Sporting Lisbon side is not a definitive moment. The gulf between the footballing power of Portugal and Scotland is not so great that a win against a Portugese team (an awful Portugese team at that who are 20 points behind the pace of the Portuguese league) is considered an end to any doubts, the UEFA cup is also not the holy grail of football.

The defenders of Rangers must also accept the more they watch Barry Ferguson that his dominance in the Rangers landscape is not so great. He is no doubt untouchable in the wage structure, untouchable in the first team and untouchable in backstage politics. His performance on the pitch is often stellar, but Brahim Hemdani, Christian Daily, Steven Davis and Kevin Thomson are often stellar as well. The reward does not gulf the cost of having a Barry Ferguson in your team.

Meanwhile, the cynics who think that Rangers don’t build to the future should now accept, that a player like Kevin Thomson was not just bought because he fitted into the buying structure of Rangers where they just eat up all the young Scots on the market. Accidentally or not, Kevin Thomson now appears to be somebody worth building the team around. He doesn’t disappear in big games, his touch is outstanding and he has a good attitude. If Rangers can sign Davis as well, they may have found a central midfield partnership that has been lacking for Rangers in recent years due to the dominance of Barry Ferguson.

Defenders of the regime must point to Carlos Cuellar. Signing Carlos Cuellar for £2.3 million is one of the shrewdest pieces of business in recent years. He may not walk into any team in Europe, but he would certainly not look out of place. Rangers still need to watch out for the demon of age. Broadfoot is not a viable replacement for Weir, no matter how hard he tries. As cheap as words can often be, if Cuellar is even entertaining the idea of being a Ranger for life, then Rangers need to find another Cuellar. As one more quality central defender to replace Weir would provide Rangers with a backbone to build upon.

The most difficult choice Smith will have to make in the summer is Cousin or Darcheville. He can’t afford to keep both, their impact is fantastic but Darcheville has the risk of becoming Dado Prso, a novelty attraction with no legs if they overuse him and Cousin has the risk of becoming a moody distraction in times of trouble. I find it hard to imagine that they can both be kept sweet in rougher times than this.

Rangers have appeased the fans who appreciate a player who can “put in a shift” and “bleeds for the shirt”, but this summer, an olive branch needs to be put to fans who appreciate a bit of creativity and don’t completely buy into the home-grown try hard over anything else policy. Rangers need that grit and determination, but they must remember that’s not all they need.

If Rangers advance past Florientina and get into the UEFA Cup final then a poignant story arrives with either competitor. Zenit St. Petersburg would be led by the manager that Rangers initially replaced Walter Smith with in an attempt to bring European glory to Ibrox – Dick Advocaat. While Bayern Munich are the team who arguably damaged the Advocaat era beyond repair. Michael Mols was never the same after the injury suffered in the Bayern Munich match, if Dick Advocaat had Michael Mols at his best, the same Michael Mols who first appeared for Rangers, then Advocaat would not have been so eager to cripple the finances of the team in an attempt to find a striker to respond to the onslaught of Henrik Larson at Celtic. Rangers were trying to build a team who played comparatively attractive football and could compete in Europe back then. They needed a player like Mols could do that. It’s funny the difference one player can make when they are so important to an ideology of a new regime, imagine if Cuellar got injured in December.

Or imagine if Cuellar suffered a suspension in April? Or imagine if Cuellar’s safety blanket increasingly started to look more and more like the world’s slowest man, or what if his temperament went a little mental. What if? Well it happened, the main criticism about Rangers is that they have the stench of an escaped convict running away from the police, they are getting away with it thus far, but if they keep running it’s only going to get worse. The Celtic game could have been a town too far.

Are the happenings of the Celtic game a blessing in disguise? Will Cuellar and Weir now get the rest they probably needed? Daily isn’t a huge drop off from Weir and the move of Broadfoot or Papac to the centre will provide a welcome run out for Smith and Whittaker. Or does it mean that the impenetrable foundation that Rangers is built upon now looks somewhat penetrable. Rangers’ fans can look at how many games would be different without Cuellar and Weir, but imagine how different the season would be without the heroics of Alan McGregor. I’m no Alexander expert but I imagine he will not be able to touch the influence of McGregor. If McGregor is out for any length of time, it could amount to being the end of Rangers jenga like season.

Why Brett, why?

I gave up American Football this year; my career was one of extremely modest glories within the idyllic setting of the British University American Football League. The rigmarole of committing every Sunday, of committing to training, of committing to being constantly sore was for me; at the age of 22-in my prime (if that’s what you can call it) was too much. I needed a rest. But when the thought of playing one game-a friendly against newly formed Northumbria University reared its temptations head, the prospect was irresistible. One last shot at glory, one last run with the ball in my hands where I could make amends for the last time the ball was in my hands and I unceremoniously fumbled it.

There aren’t many similarities between my American Football career, which would be given a huge compliment if it were to be described as a fish piddling in the ocean, and the career of Brett Favre, but this appears to be one. It appears Brett cannot resist the temptation of putting on the helmet once again either. The chance to make amends for a last play, which was clearly a moment of madness. The question boils down to one thing; does Brett Favre have anything left to prove? Certainly this is where the comparison between Favre and I falls apart. For it is clear , that my piddle in the ocean of the American Football landscape could not equate to his shark like career. So why would he make a return?

There are two ways this can go, Route Testeverde or Route Elway . If Brett comes back again and fails, he will keep coming back until he makes something special happen once again, until his gun slinging plays dividends, or until his body is so decrepit that no team, not even the Carolina Panthers will have him. Or, the image of Elway will be playing in Favre’s head. If Favre gets it done this season, it’s a better story. The doubt was in his mind, so he had to retire, but the hunger continued to drive him and it drove him back to the Holy Grail of American Football; The Superbowl.

Favre claims that his retirement is a great situation for Aaron Rodgers. It’s clearly not. Look at all those who follow a QB legacy, look at the Bronco’s, and look at the Dolphins. It’s a thankless task. Now the elephant in the room grows, as Favre has not closed the door to a comeback if needed. The comeback was discussed in the scenario of an injury to Rodgers, but for a savvy veteran such as Favre, it would be unlikely that he would show his hand to the press. Favre must be flirting with the idea of coming back in the event of a run of poor Aaron Rodgers form, or just because he wants to.

There is now an X on the back of Aaron Rodgers. If a defensive player inflicts an injury on Rodgers, they have not only added to their own image, but they have had a chance to make history, a chance to personally bring the most talked about athlete of the past decade back to Lambeau. These players gunning for Rodgers did not grow up idolising Rodgers. Instead they grew up idolising Favre. The chance to imprint their name in the Favre story may be incredibly tempting.

Rodgers will be fighting a losing battle now, he could have told his coaches in confidence that he would be willing to consider a return, but not go to the media. Rodgers is going to suffer growing pains, but now I’m almost rooting for him. One man can save Aaron Rodgers and it’s the same man who saved the last Favre chapter: Ryan Grant.  If Grant grows with experience rather than experiencing a sophmore slump then Rodgers can rely on Grant to untap defences allowing him more freedom to perform and live up to the expectation of a Favre heir. Rodgers can also thank Mcarthy; while reigning in Favre in his final season, Mcarthy has installed a system, which is comparatively mistake proof, which is perfect for a QB starting his first season. He also refused to go for broke in the last Favre year, meaning that the team is young and maturing rather than being crippled by the salary cap and post Favre hangover. This decreases the likelihood of Rodgers being a scapegoat.

I love you Brett, but you’ve let me down here. I was only just getting over you going before you try and come back into my life. You’ve let me down and you’ve let poor wee Aaron Rodgers down. Let our wounds heal and take us by surprise. You know you are wanted, you don’t need to feel wanted. People will still talk about you incessantly whether you fuel the fire or not. So don’t fuel the fire. Unless you are planning to go on Sunday night football wearing really tight shorts just so we can see what John Madden’s reaction will be. That’s a fire you can fuel my lad.

The Career of Ronaldinho…and you’re the agent!

If Ronaldinho does indeed intend to sign for a premiership team, which premiership team should he sign for? Here are the top 5 choices:

1. Tottenham
Barclays are pulling for this signature as with The Hudd and Ronaldinho playing on the same team it will really take the financial edge off any future vows to sponsor players for £30 per mile run.

2. Man City
The thought of being the next Georgei Kinkladze, combined with the prospect of a delicious career suicide where by ever single Manchester Derby is accomponaied by a Sunday newspaper supplement doing an analysis of the impending Ronaldinho v. Ronaldo duel.

3. Chelsea
Roman Abramovich claimed that he was inspired to own a football team after The match between Real Madrid and Manchester United where Ronaldo lit up the stage with football of such heightened elegance. What we didn’t know is that Abrahmovich was actually only inspired to own a football team by “The Match.” The rest of the spiel was editorial. He wants to build the most glamorous Masters football team of all time. With Ronaldinho, Ballack, Claude Makalele , Schevchencko and Ashley Cole (Who is pretty much just a couple of years away from being Lee Sharpe) then who could stop them?

4. Newcastle
Keegan wanting to buy Ronaldinho is about as inevitable as Jack Duckworth wanting to buy a hotpot in the Rovers Return. Ronaldinho, Owen and Viduka up front should be an unstoppable force in Keegan’s quest to win the 2001/2002 English Premier League title.

5. Portsmouth
Portsmouth would have to break the bank to sign Ronaldinho which would involve the popping up of about ten holding companies, 5 swift briefcase exchanges in a busy airport and at least 1 person will end up waking up beside a horse’s head.

The Diary of a bored Rangers fan.

What a difference a year makes eh? Instead of having Rangers being the subject of intense speculation regarding the quality of their manager, it is now Celtic who suffer this fate. Rangers are instead the subjects of intense adulation. You are now more likely to read an article praising the Walter Smith era or an interview with a Rangers player about how happy they are with the Smith induced tide change, than you are to find the evenings TV schedule. Any dissention is immediately dispelled by the fact that Rangers are winning so there should be no cause to complain.

There is a cause to complain, there are many causes to complain. There is a whiff of a vague comparison to Nazi Germany about Rangers at the moment. Yes, roads are being built and employment is at a high but is that all that matters? Is this employment sustainable, or is propaganda about the present sacrificing the possibility to build for the future? If people want to complain they have every right.

Instead of Jews, it is the overpaid foreigner who is blamed for all the ills. Much like immigration is used by politicians as an acceptable code word to exert a dollop of racism, Paul Le Guen’s name is used to give credence to what is a blatant prejudice within Ibrox regarding foreign influence and building to the future.

Players fall into Smith’s hands. His buying policy is too transparent. Every signing stinks of being an old pals act, where Smith is calling in a favour rather than following a coherent plan. Whether to players he knows from his past who can come in and act as proverbial beer mats under the creaky chair of the Rangers team, or to players recommended by the agent who should be blacklisted-Willy Mackay.

Occasionally he hits the ball out of the park. Davis fell into Smith’s lap as an egg laid by the Daniel Cousin transfer saga (to give it it’s trademarked name) and Cuellar is clearly the shining star of the new Rangers era. But all too often, with players like David Weir, he acts like a man driving an old car which is flashing empty on petrol but he refuses to stop for petrol, get a new card or at least by a bus pass. David Weir increasingly looks like an accident waiting to happen. He has done a good job at Rangers, but it is the manager’s fault for not implementing a crutch for Weir’s age, a young backup who could learn from Weir’s experience and also deputise for him. Cuellar is being run dry also, although at a slower pace. The main worry is how Cuellar will play if his confidence goes, will he remain formidable? Smith is playing roulette with Cuellar’s confidence the longer he waits to implement a contingency plan for the Rangers defence.

This is indicative of how Smith ignores problems until they happen. He has passed up opportunity after opportunity to blood youngsters into the team such as Furman, Lennon, Gow and Naismith. A rotation policy is not always admirable, but to turn a nose up at the idea in the manner with which Smith has is inexplicable.

He has built the team around grafters, and try hards. Lee McCulloch, Kirk Broadfoot and Nacho Novo are barely real footballers. Steven Davis should be a constant smack in the face to Smith that for a player to “put in a shift” that does not mean that he can’t also be a talented footballer, the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

The style of play is horrible. Watching a Rangers game brings out the same feelings in me as being in class at school. I feel like I have to be watching rather than want to be watching. It’s all well and good having tactics that get you through games. Rangers fans deserve to be watching a team that wins and that brings out enjoyment but it takes the fun out of following a team if they play with zero flair and zero entertainment. It’s like being in Chemistry and being made to learn the periodic table off by heart but you never get to blow anything up.

A 4-5-1 formation does not have to be so inherently negative. It has gradually got worse. Rangers now play with 4 centre backs. Papac does a job but he is useless in attack and would have been better employed as the man to provide relief to Weir and Cuellar. Broadfoot is only seen as being good because the expectation of him is so low. With Hutton going, wing back is just one more area where Rangers have no attacking option what so ever. Although Broadfoot creates an illusion of being an attacking force by forever ensuring that he is the first player to hug the goal scorer after every Rangers goal. In reality he runs like somebody who has just undergone spinal surgery so his attacking prowess is minimal.

When Beasley got injured, a massive hole was left (ironic considering his diminutive stature, haw hee haw) For the 4-5-1 formation to work in terms of both winning matches, and by not being the impetus for a boredom induced mass suicide within Ibrox, they need wingers with pace to support the striker. Beasley had pace in abundance. Now on the wings, Rangers often play Steve Davis, which completely neuters the influence he has in the middle of the park, and Lee McCulloch, who was most likely originally moved to left wing so he could just get out of the way and do less damage. McCulloch is as useful an option in attack as Cuellar and Weir are. Yes he provides a bit of an aerial threat, but does that make up for the rest of his useless output? It’s hard to even accept Burke as an attractive alternative, as every time he comes on he only acts as a flirtatious cock tease, constantly promising to produce but it never goes anywhere.

Another myth that needs to be dispelled is the fact that the Arian Barry Ferguson is in actual fact Steven Gerrard,. Ferguson is not a dynamic attacking midfielder, it’s a mirage, he has dyed his hair and he’s wearing coloured contact lenses. He fills the same role as Hemdani and Daily do in midfield but for some reason is glorified to god like status while the other two are viewed as being necessary evils. Barry Ferguson is the necessary evil. Too much of a stink is kicked up is he is dropped, but to view him as anything more than an accomplished holding midfielder is delusional. This then cuts the chord of the formation, as the striker is not being supported from the middle or the wings. This helps explain why a) Kris Boyd cannot play, as the lone striker role as a thankless task for Rangers and b) Cousin and JC Darcheville have essentially amounted to filling the role of one full player as neither of them can take the physical strain of the position. Cousin can’t do it mentally and Darcheville can’t do it physically.

Barry Ferguson eerily claimed he had made plans to be buried in his Rangers strip wearing his captain’s armband. Well at the moment he might as well be making arrangements to have “Ferguson was not his usual imposing/influential self” engraved on his grave stone, as that is how he has been described in almost every match report for the past year. It is getting to a point where Ferguson cannot rely on his skinny past glories. Ferguson actually being imposing/influential has become the aberration.

Part 1 a) of this myth is that Smith always played a team of grafters. Perhaps he did, but Smith also had access to a Brian Laudrup, or a Paul Gascoigne or even a Trevor Steven. Somebody who could provide some flair and creative spark. Ferguson is methodical and for Rangers to advance, they need to find somebody who can be creative. Perhaps Thomson can grow into that type of player but he is not quite there yet. This is part of the reason why the treatment of Thomas Buffell is hurtful. Of course he might not be the answer, but the fact that the Rangers fans are being denied the right to have a look to see whether he could inject the much needed flair is frustrating.

Being a Rangers fan now is like making a deal with the devil. Ten years ago Rangers turned their nose up at Walter Smith because his era was standing still, and they turned would turn their nose up at players of the ilk of David Weir, Lee McCulloch and Christian Daily. It’s nice to have a team that are winning but it feels like Rangers are an under 13 boys team, where Smith is secretly fielding a bunch of 14 year olds. There is something cheap and tasteless about the way Rangers are winning now. They remind me of the Boston Celtics in the NBA. Like a team tired of losing so they are going for broke. But instead of going for broke with creative, exciting players and dazzling their opponents into submission, they are going for broke by putting teams into a chokehold that lasts 90 minutes.

Smith may now be buying Scottish, But buying Scottish does not mean that he cannot buy ambitious. Mcfadden could have been the answer. A Scottish name with a foreign style would be the perfect medicine for Rangers ills. He could have been the player who provided the link between midfield and attack.

Rangers were just as bad with Le Guen. All about building to tomorrow without a thought for today. But there has to be a middle ground. As ridiculous as this is, what would work perfectly for Rangers is somebody like Le Guen as a general manager and Smith as manager. When Rangers made the Paul Le Guen era a dirty word, they threw the baby out with the bathwater. Rangers are presently run by a gang of old pals. Just as it doesn’t work when the coaching staff is at loggerheads with each other, it doesn’t work when there appears to be no external influences being taken into account. Just as Manchester United have the cosmopolitan knowledge of Quieroz to balance out Ferguson’s style, and Chelsea have kept Steve Clarke to maintain the grit perhaps lost by a foreign coach. Rangers need the same. Walter Smith clearly has his plus points, he installs discipline, he gets the best out of average players and he is good for motivation and team spirit, but he needs a yang to his ying. Rangers need some balance. Smith has built a fully functional engine but he needs help with the design of the exterior. (Thanks to Jeremy Clarkson for helping out with the closing line)