Let’s put the NFL offseason in perspective:

The NFL: How much the offseason matters funalogies:

Texans quarterback scenario closely resembles a 3 for 20 pound deal in HMV, yes one of them might turn out to be a keeper but chances are 6 months later you’ll wish you could have had your money back and two of them are still in the wrapper. Quinn Gray reminds me of the Last Samarai dvd I bought in a similar deal..it’s still in its wrapper.

San Francisco being given the 12th pick instead of the 7th pick resembles an unemployed woman with ten credit cards having them cut up by her father. The more they keep spending on high draft picks and NATE CLEMENTS, the more they are likely to dig themselves into a horrific little hole. The draft is a crapshoot anyway, yes with the 7th pick they might get an Adrian Peterson as in 2007, but at 12 they could have still got a player of the quality of Marshawn Lynch. If we look at 2005, at 7 they would have got a pure and simple stinker in Troy Williamson while they could have drafted Shawn Merriman at 12. It’s a gamble wherever you pick, you might as well do it with less guaranteed money. This is the make or break season, Mike Nolan has to make something happen that is more interesting than his dress sense.

Pacman Jones rumoured to be interested in signing with the Patriots makes the Patriots resemble Buddhism for NFL players. Players believe they can be washed of their sins as long as they play for the Patriots.

On the other hand, Pacman Jones , Chad Johnson and Darren Mcfadden being pursued by the Cowboys resembles being one move away from making a move for Burt Reynolds or Adam Sandler at QB and making the Cowboys the new “Mean machine”. Perhaps “The New Bengals” may be a more contemporary example.

Chad Johnson pursuing the Cowboys rather than the Jaguars resembles somebody who is in dysfunctional relationships all their lives. They repeatedly blame their partner but in the end, Chad will have to think that maybe he goes looking for these dysfunctional relationships, What about the nice girl next door, the Jaguars, they are shy but if you got her number I’m sure they’d go out with you. You two would be a marriage made in heaven.

Arizona Cardinals resemble a team looking into the crystal ball. Building a team around two superstar receivers does not work and the Cardinals will never fulfil their constant pre-season promise as long as they have two superstar receivers. In their crystal ball they must see themselves in about three years when they see the Bengals.

Chad Johnson on NFL access resembles the best pitch for a film ever: BUDDY MOVIE, CHAD JOHNSON, RICH EISEN….Rich Eisen has to pretend he’s on Johnson’s wave length for 90 minutes with hilarious results.

Michael Irvin interviewing Pacman Jones on ESPN radio resembles the best argument I’ve ever heard for the radio becoming obsolete.

Troy Brown going to the Jets resembles the scene in Waynes World where Stacey is trying to make Wayne jealous by kissing a roadie, while Wayne looks on as he tries to ignore Stacey as he puts the moves on Cassandra (Wes Welker).