His Name is Rio and he’s the England captain…

 

Bet that’s the first time a version of that headline has been used…IT’S LIKE A DURAN DURAN SONG…GET IT? GET IT?

Rio Ferdinand was named England captain today, over serial moaners Gerrard and Terry.

To be a captain, you have to have a little thing called TURD:

 TRUST

UNDERSTANDING

RESPECT

DIPLOMACY

 Does he have all these things? He doesn’t even get past the first letter. Trust? Rio doesn’t know the meaning of the word. Any of you who were in Britain for the summer of 06 will no doubt remember the often immitated, never duplicated, groundbreaking series called “Rio’s World Cup Wind Up’s” where Rio Ferdinand  Punks (removed due to copyright by MTV) his England team mates. How can Rio as a captain expect them to have any trust in his leadership. No , they will be standing guard in case the wacky RIO plays a silly trick on them that is in no way reminiscent of an episode of Punk’d (removed due to copyright by MTV).

What next , England entering the five nations with Jeremy Beadle as captain? (R.I.P.)

Ashton Kutcher as captain of the U.S.A. basketball olympic team?

While England are obviously a complete and utter mess at the moment, Scotland can take solace in the fact that despite an onslaught of timely “injuries” to many star players such as Ferguson, Mcfadden, Robson and cough Lee Mcculloch cough. No need to worry though, Gary Teale is still available and any call offs have been offset by the call up of Gavin Rae. Gavin and Gary should inspire Scotland to victory as they are an electric duo…G Squared as they are known in some parts due to their chemistry.

 G Squared….sounds like a rap group doesn’t it? I wonder where a rap group of two celebrities could get noticed?

 Tune into Rio Ferdinand’s new show where he is a judge on what is being billed as X-FACTOR…EXCEPT WITH CELEBS….RAPPING. Featuring performances by Britain’s entertainer Shane Ritchie (Bradley Walsh was otherwise engaged),  Coleen Mcloughlin’s Got Talent Winner Coleen Mcloughlin (she was the most talented entrant named Coleen Mcloughlin) and Amir Khan, who will only rap if he can do it in Bolton.

 Come on Rio, this must be a wind up if you havn’t signed up G-squared. They are Rap Idol’s version of the Mcdonald Brothers.  Sign them and you’ll start to regain some TURD.