Travesty at the NFL Combine

Television can heighten peoples emotions. The debate crops up every year about the unfairness of a fairly unflexible television schedule for both the NFL and the NBA. In Britain, the return of News at Ten caused widespread unexplained euphoria. When Arrested Development was cancelled the show was used as an example for ever more of heartless TV executives, obsessed with buzz words like demographics who don’t care about presenting quality television to the viewer.

All valid arguments. So if people can get that upset about television, why has there not been more uproar about the decision to stop showing the NFL prospects topless at the combine?This used to provide impetus for a  double dose of funny. First, it presented the opportunity for some cringe television via either the arrogance or shame of future NFL prospects. A constant reminder that although they will be making more money than all the pathetic people like me watching it put together , they have to suffer the ultimate ridiculous embarrassment of being of being on stage, topless, gawped at by millions around the world. Second is the demeanour of the scouts attending the event. What is an appropriate face for a hetrosexual 50 year old scout to display when he is examining a half naked 21 year old man? They can’t look too impressed as that might create doubts about where their enjoyment of the display stems from, they also can’t look to withdrawn, because then it looks like they are unprofessional, or worse, hiding something.

 Maybe the decision is a marketing ploy and they are set to release “The Combine: x-rated” on dvd. Or perhaps it’s taking place in secret so the scouts can get extra seedy in secret.

The combine has achieved renewed importance thanks to Mario Williams (Ding ding ding, congratulations you are the ten thousandth NFL player with the last name Williams). Mario Williams was originally the poster boy for the combines failings, a genetic freak he impressed in the combine but the Houston Texans were lampooned for drafting Williams based on the combine. The cat was out the bag, the combine was a joke. But then something strange happened, Williams began to perform, while Reggie Bush, a competitor to be number 1 draft pick stalled. Sexually confused pro football scouts everywhere let out a loud sigh of relief. The homo-eroticism of the combine can continue without contest. Hoorah.

 Two people are invited to the combine each year. They have this one guy who is over-hyped, has character issues and is a genetic freak. Then they have this other guy who is under-rated and may lack the exact physical tools but is a high motor, high character guy with lots of intangibles. If more people come to the combine pundits panic and attempt to fit either one of these description to everyone present .

 Mario Williams may have saved the combine , but his name brings with it a warning. Mario, Super Mario. Mario didn’t have elite speed but he was a high character guy, he had lots of intangibles, like the ability to grow if he steps on a mushroom, the ability to become invincible if he runs through a star and leadership qualities seen in the way he guided his cousin Luigi into adulthood. But then came this competitor to be the top draft pick, Sonic the hedgehog. Scouts were blown away by the physicality of sonic and gushed about his elite speed 40 time. He was meant to redefine the position of animated computer game hero. But Mario had a high motor and high character so he was able to withstand the competition and lead his team, Nintendo to a Superbowl. Sonic was more a “me first” guy , he was all about the coin. He ended up demanding a trade to Nintendo for more money. Let that be a lesson to you, NFL.