The Underwhelming reality of the Alan Hutton saga.

Nothing brings to the fore the underwhelming reality of being a Rangers fan than the recent meteoric rise of Alan Hutton prior to the January Transfer Window (a period so ridiculous that it has induced not one, not two, and if you believe reports about Blackburn taking him on trial, four teams to believe that Nigel Quashie of all people is a quick fix answer to all their problems) . During this period, Hutton has gone through either a purple patch in his previously underwhelming career, or we are seeing a permanent change from Alan Hutton the goat, to Alan Hutton the saviour. This has provoked the media to go positively giddy over him and completely ignore questions over long term form and discipline. After a good run of matches for Rangers, transfer speculation began: Man United were bidding, Tottenham were bidding, Roy Keane was apparently waiting for him to be dropped from the Rangers team before he comes in with a bid of £45 million and one of Man City’s scouts told Sven accidentally that Hutton was a striker not a right back so Sven Gonnabidonalmostevery Strikerson probably came in with a bid as well. In truth a place in a shaky Tottenham team with realistic competition in Chimbonda probably wasn’t quite as safe as staying at Rangers or being mentored at Manchester United by Sir Alex as the heir to Gary Neville’s throne.

Hutton has become football’s answer to a winner of the x-factor. He struts on stage with his tragic story about how the previous manager Le Guen (Simon Cowell) didn’t give him a shot, and the audience feels for him. How dare the good old Glasgow boy be kept down by the arrogant Frenchman. Then what do you know, Walter “Louis Walsh” Smith suggests they form a crappy boy band of young Scottish boys. Hutton fits right in. He even seems like he is the perfect fit next to the buff one (Lee McCulloch), the mouthy one (Barry Ferguson) , the bad boy who says “yeah” a lot, but doesn’t really contribute to the song or the band as a whole. (Kris Boyd) and the good looking one with little substance (Kevin Thomson). The band has so little talent that the media gets it completely out of proportion how good Hutton is in comparison. Then Walter “ Louis Walsh” Smith says, “Yeah ditch the band Alan, go after the big bucks, you don’t need them”. Record labels clamber all over him to sign him to a ridiculously over priced deal, Louis keeps it quiet but he knows he will never have value like this again, people will figure him out: He’s only a reality tv star. Hutton is about to make himself a very rich man. But no, in comes the mouthy one. Barry Ferguson begins to tell him “how much the band needs him”, he tells him the story of when he left the band and completely failed in his bid for solo success. Somehow going solo doesn’t seem so attractive . But in the end, the band does well locally but never really breaks the world.

With this, Alan Hutton will develop what is similar to the “China White Syndrome” that plagues many ex –X factor contestant. As long as they are the big man at China Whites, then everything is ok. I mean who cares about clubs in other countries when China Whites is such a guaranteed good time? Where “everybody knows your name”. It’s like Cheers for reality TV stars. The football equivalent, is when a player becomes so obsessed with his influence at one club, that he not only finds it repulsive to think of moving anywhere else, but also wants to be told how he’s the cream of the crop at his own club on an almost compulsive basis. Barry Ferguson’s manic ego centric desires have been medicated through a dose of the Daily Record every night before bed. (A medicine not available at Blackburn Rovers) But what if Hutton is immune to that drug? Will Hutton survive at Rangers? Likely so, because as long as he is the big man at Rangers, everything will be ok, and as long as he believes he’s the big man, the media will tell him he’s the big man.

This is treated with joy by the Rangers fans as it just proves that “WE ARE A BUYING CLUB NOT A SELLING CLUB”, despite the fact the bank man maintains an opposing point of view. Well Man United are a buying club and not a selling club, but they sold David Beckham because they felt Beckham’s value to the team did not equate to £24.5 million. Does Alan Hutton’s value to the team equate to 9 million? Or as memory fades of his x-factor success in the sunny period of 2007, will his stock continue to rise, where he’ll sell records all over the world, or will he end up on a the graveyard of a channel 5 reality show? The fact is, we don’t know, but 9 million answers a lot of questions.